rr.armageddonthemusical-第3部分

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reaten　the　very　fabric　of　universal　existence。
　　　Or　so　it　says　here。
　　　
　　　If　it's　God's　will；　who　gets　the　money？　Tony　O'Blimey
　　　If　there　is　one　factor　which　binds　together　all　the　really　great　religions　of　this　world；　it's　that　God　created　man　in　his　own　image。　Many　cynical　atheists　loudly　assert　that　the　reverse　is　really　the　case；　putting　the　whole　thing　down　to　egocentricity　on　the　part　of　the　believer。　But　then　what　do　atheists　know　about　God　anyway？　What　these　doubting　Toms　have　failed　to　grasp　is　the　hidden　truth：　God　created　man　in　his　own　image；　because　he　had　to。　The　erect　biped；　head　at　the　top；　feet　at　the　bottom；　wedding　tackle　about　halfway　up；　represents　the　universal　archetype；　when　it　es　to　the　'intelligent'　being。　This　fact　has　long　been　known　to　science…fiction　afficionados　and　UFO　contactees。　Alien　beings；　from　no　matter　which　part　of　the　galaxy　they　might　hail；　inevitably　bear　a　striking　resemblance　to　man。　There　are　the　occasional　variations　in　height　and　cranial　dimensions；　but　for　the　most　part　our　cosmic　cousins　are　a　pretty　reasonable　facsimile　of　ourselves。　Many　even　speak　good　English；　often　with　a　pronounced　American　accent。　Such　facts　can　hardly　be　argued　with。　They　are　evidence；　should　any　really　be　needed；　of　a　cosmic　masterplan；　and　sufficient　in　themselves　to　serve　friend　atheist　up　with　a　wok…load　of　egg。　Faces；　for　the　use　of。
　　　What　it　all　es　down　to；　as　it　so　often　does；　is　the　very　beginning　of　the　universe。　This；　say　the　bigheads　of　the　scientific　fraternity；　all　began　with　a　big　bang。　Wrong！　The　universe；　in　fact；　began　with　the　sound　of　a　duck　call；　followed　by　a　whistle　and　an　enormous　cosmic　wind…break。　Had　anyone　been　around　at　the　time　to　overhear　these　sounds；　they　would　probably　have　received　a　pretty　good　indication　of　what　God　had　up　his　sleeve；　amongst　other　places。
　　　About　five　minutes　after　the　burst　of　celestial　flatulence；　when　the　air　had　begun　to　clear　a　bit；　things　began　to　settle　down　into　the　shapes　which　were　most　fortable　and　efficient　for　them。　And　so　they　remained。　No…one　has　yet　improved　upon　the　sphere　as　a　planetary　shape；　nor　the　erect　biped　as　its　ruling　species。　That's　the　way　it　is。　Like　it；　or　lump　it。　QED。
　　　Certainly；　some　races　evolved　mentally　a　lot　quicker　than　others。　The　reason　for　this　has　e　to　be　known　as　Duke's　Principle；　'a　man's　gotta　do；　what　a　man's　gotta　do'。　Or　to　simplify　it；　they　evolved　quicker；　because　they　had　to。　It　all　depends　very　much　upon　what　a　particular　planet　has　to　offer　in　terms　of　pickable　food；　huntable　animals；　farmable　lands　and　whatever。　The　Trempish　of　Trempera；　for　instance；　found　themselves　peting　with　huge　armour…plated　reptiles；　carnivores　with　virtually　impenetrable　hides　and　seemingly　insatiable　appetites。　If　the　Trempish　hadn't　had　the　ingenuity　to　dig　a　series　of　baited　dead…falls；　distil　an　acid　from　the　bark　of　a　rare　tree；　tip　their　arrows　with　it　and　shoot　the　trapped　beasties　in　their　exposed　pineal　glands；　they　would　surely　have　died　out。　As　it　was；　they　hadn't；　so　they　did！　Thus　proving；　that　when　a　man's　gotta　do　what　a　man's　gotta　do；　he'd　better　pull　his　finger　out　and　get　on　with　it。
　　　And　so　it　was　with　the　Phnaargs　of　Phnaargos。　Their　'gotta　doing'　was　not　immediately　apparent。　They　lived　upon　a　gloriously　verdant　world；　devoid　of　killer　reptiles　and　flying　scorpions；　rich　in　natural　vegetation；　with　a　mild　climate　and　some　really　knockout　sunsets。　However；　to　wax　biblical；　this　Eden　was　not　without　its　serpent。　Only　here　it　came　in　the　form　of　the　cathode　ray　tube。　Mankind　didn't　e　across　this　miracle　until　its　closing　moments；　but　it　wasn't　so　on　Phnaargos。　For　on　Phnaargos；　the　cathode　ray　tube　grew　wild。　And　so；　at　a　time　when　humankind　was　still　tossing　rocks　at　the　hairy　elephants　and　experimenting　with　DIY　in　the　family　cave；　the　Phnaargs　were　watching　TV。
　　　Now；　if　it　was　strange　that　the　cathode　ray　tube　should　grow　wild　upon　a　planet；　then　it　is　surely　stranger　still　that　the　botanical　equivalents　of　the　video　camera；　the　microphone；　the　mixing　desk；　the　spotlight；　the　little　monocular　thing　that　a　really　duff　director　wears　around　his　neck；　and　all　the　other　paraphernalia　necessary　to　television　production；　should　similarly　be　blooming　away；　ready　for　the　harvest。　In　fact；　many　might　be　forgiven　for　finding　it　unlikely；　to　say　the　very　least。　But　the　Almighty　moves　in　mysterious　ways；　his　wonders　to　perform。　And　who　are　we　to　question　his　motives？
　　　Now；　with　all　this　technology　sprouting　around　them；　one　might　also　be　forgiven　for　thinking　that　the　Phnaargs　were　a　'race　blessed　of　God'。　But；　you'd　be　wrong　on　that　one　too。　For　nothing　could　be　further　from　the　truth。　The　Phnaargs　were　the　first　race　ever　to　bee　irrevocably　hooked　on　television；　the　first　to　fall　victim　to　the　dangerous　and　terminally　addictive　radiations　of　the　cathode　ray　tube。　And　once　infected　at　such　an　early　stage　in　their　development；　they　were　well　and　truly　done　for。
　　　Within　a　few　short　years　of　their　discovery；　the　planet　was　literally　forested　with　cultivated　TV　stations　and　the　Phnaargs；　almost　slaves。　Those　not　engaged　in　full　time　viewing　strove　to　supply　the　needs　of　those　who　were。　The　needs　soon　became　demands　and　the　demands　were　wild。　For　this　was　a　young　and　primitive　stock　and　it　liked　its　TV　meaty！
　　　And　so　Duke's　Principle　came　into　effect　upon　Phnaargos。　The　Phnaarg　TV　execs；　finding　that　supply　was　far　outstripped　by　demand；　were　forced　to　do　something。　To　boldly　go　where　no　man　had　gone　before。　To　seek　out　new　worlds　and　new　civilizations。　And　televise　them。
　　　And　such　it　was；　that　by　a　rare　freak　of　chance；　which　suddenly　makes　all　the　foregoing　relevant；　the　Phnaargs　came　across　Planet　Earth。　Here　they　found　man；　still　stoning　the　mammoths；　whacking　up　the　murals　and　generally　minding　his　own　business。　Had　he　been　allowed　to　carry　on　with　these　trivial　pursuits；　he　would　probably　be　doing　so　even　now。　But　the　visiting　Phnaargs　were　not　slow　to　realize　the　potential　of　mankind's　development　as　great　TV　material。　They　wasted　little　time　in　setting　up　their　horticultural　transmitters　and　getting　on　with　the　show。　And　the　rest；　like　it　or　like　it　not；　is　history。
　　　The　series　became　an　overnight　success。　The　Phnaargian　viewers　took　to　this　'everyday　story　of　simple　folk'　like　Teds　to　a　tapered　trouser；　and　The　Earthers　became　the　most　popular　series　in　the　history　of　the　universe。
　　　Now；　on　the　face　of　it；　this　might　appear　to　be　harmless　enough　stuff；　a　race；　hopelessly　addicted　to　television；　watching　the　exploits　of　another。　And　so　it　might　possibly　have　remained；　but　for　the　Phnaarg　viewing　public's　fanatical　craving　for　'a　bit　of　action'。　Much　against　their　better　judgement；　the　producers　of　The　Earthers　found　themselves　forced　to　help　things　along　a　bit。
　　　It　all　began　in　a　small　way；　with　fire；　the　wheel　and　language。　The　Earthers　just　didn't　seem　to　be　getting　the　hang　of　them。　And　as　the　series　was　now　running　prime…time；　there　seemed　good　reason　to　slip　all　these　into　one　weekly　episode；　to　get　the　ball　rolling。
　　　The　fact　that　this　was　done　has　always　been　vigorously　denied　by　the　producers；　as　have　suggestions　that　they　have　been　doing　likewise　ever　since。　Continually　tampering　with　Earth　history　to　keep　the　ratings　up。　The　Phnaargian　tabloids　have　made　scandalous　assertions　that　certain　popular　figures　have　been　'reincarnated'　over　the　centuries；　and　even　that　some　of　the　major　roles　have　been　played　by　Phnaargian　actors　dressed　up　to　look　like　Earthers。
　　　Whether　there　is　any　truth　in　this　isn't　easy　to　say；　the　producers　of　the　series　wisely　having　kept　the　precise　location　of　Planet　Earth　to　themselves　as　a　simple　precaution　against　nosy　parkers。　But　the　fact　that　next　week's　episode　of　The　Earthers　is　always　previewed　in　the　television　papers　should　be　enough　to　raise　the　occasional　suspicion。
　　　However；　by　the　Earth　year　2050　viewing　figures　on　Phnaargos　were　tailing　off　dramatically。　And　viewers；　miffed　that　their　favourites　had　got　the　chop　in　the　Nuclear　Holocaust　Event；　an　episode　which　achieved　the　biggest　ever　ratings　and　won　several　much…coveted　awards；　were　switching　off　in　droves。　The　idea　of　watching　a　rather　undistinguished　cast　of　scabby…looking　individuals；　whose　lives　apparently　revolved　around　watching　television；　was　of　very　little　interest。　It　was　so　far…fetched；　for　one　thing。
　　　And　so　it　came　to　be　that　on　a　May　morning；　when　summer　was　the　season；　the　executive　team　of　Earthers　Inc。　held　a　very　special　meeting。　The　boardroom　perched；　high　in　the　spiral　leafbound　plex。　The　Phnaargian　sun；　Rupert；　nudged　a　golden　ray　or　two　down　towards　the　broad　and　membraned　picture…window；　where；　tinted　to　a　subtle　rose…pink；　they　fell　upon　the　exquisite　table　of　Goldenwood　which　grew　in　the　centre　of　the　room。　The　room　itself　was　another　marvel　of　horticultural　architecture。　A　masterpiece；　designed　and　grown　by　the　leading　'hortitect'　of　the　day；　Capability　Crabshaw。
　　　Crabshaw's　current　passion　was　for　the　work　of　the　late　and　legendary　Vita　Sackville…West。　This　was　reflected　in　this　year's　boardroom　'look'。　The　chairs　were　the　product　of　painstaking　topiary　work；　performed　upon　box　hedges。　The　svelte　grass　carpeting　the　floor　was　sewn　with　t