camille-第35部分

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en　to　go；　I　returned　home。

Marguerite　had　not　answered。

I　need　not　tell　you　in　what　state　of　agitation　I　spent　the　next　day。　At　half　past　nine　a　messenger　brought　me　an　envelope　containing　my　letter　and　the　five…hundred…franc　note；　not　a　word　more。

〃Who　gave　you　this？〃　I　asked　the　man。

〃A　lady　who　was　starting　with　her　maid　in　the　next　mail　for　Boulogne；　and　who　told　me　not　to　take　it　until　the　coach　was　out　of　the　courtyard。〃

I　rushed　to　the　Rue　d'Antin。

〃Madame　left　for　England　at　six　o'clock；〃　said　the　porter。

There　was　nothing　to　hold　me　in　Paris　any　longer；　neither　hate　nor　love。　I　was　exhausted　by　this　series　of　shocks。　One　of　my　friends　was　setting　out　on　a　tour　in　the　East。　I　told　my　father　I　should　like　to　accompany　him；　my　father　gave　me　drafts　and　letters　of　introduction；　and　eight　or　ten　days　afterward　I　embarked　at　Marseilles。

It　was　at　Alexandria　that　I　learned　from　an　attache　at　the　embassy；　whom　I　had　sometimes　seen　at　Marguerite's；　that　the　poor　girl　was　seriously　ill。

I　then　wrote　her　the　letter　which　she　answered　in　the　way　you　know；　I　received　it　at　Toulon。

I　started　at　once；　and　you　know　the　rest。

Now　you　have　only　to　read　a　few　sheets　which　Julie　Duprat　gave　me；　they　are　the　best　commentary　on　what　I　have　just　told　you。



Chapter　25

Armand；　tired　by　this　long　narrative；　often　interrupted　by　his　tears；　put　his　two　hands　over　his　forehead　and　closed　his　eyes　to　think；　or　to　try　to　sleep；　after　giving　me　the　pages　written　by　the　hand　of　Marguerite。　A　few　minutes　after；　a　more　rapid　breathing　told　me　that　Armand　slept；　but　that　light　sleep　which　the　least　sound　banishes。

This　is　what　I　read；　I　copy　it　without　adding　or　omitting　a　syllable：

To…day　is　the　15th　December。　I　have　been　ill　three　or　four　days。　This　morning　I　stayed　in　bed。　The　weather　is　dark；　I　am　sad；　there　is　no　one　by　me。　I　think　of　you；　Armand。　And　you；　where　are　you；　while　I　write　these　lines？　Far　from　Paris；　far；　far；　they　tell　me；　and　perhaps　you　have　already　forgotten　Marguerite。　Well；　be　happy；　I　owe　you　the　only　happy　moments　in　my　life。

I　can　not　help　wanting　to　explain　all　my　conduct　to　you；　and　I　have　written　you　a　letter；　but；　written　by　a　girl　like　me；　such　a　letter　might　seem　to　be　a　lie；　unless　death　had　sanctified　it　by　its　authority；　and；　instead　of　a　letter；　it　were　a　confession。

To…day　I　am　ill；　I　may　die　of　this　illness；　for　I　have　always　had　the　presentiment　that　I　shall　die　young。　My　mother　died　of　consumption；　and　the　way　I　have　always　lived　could　but　increase　the　only　heritage　she　ever　left　me。　But　I　do　not　want　to　die　without　clearing　up　for　you　everything　about　me；　that　is；　if；　when　you　come　back；　you　will　still　trouble　yourself　about　the　poor　girl　whom　you　loved　before　you　went　away。

This　is　what　the　letter　contained；　I　shall　like　writing　it　over　again；　so　as　to　give　myself　another　proof　of　my　own　justification。

You　remember；　Armand；　how　the　arrival　of　your　father　surprised　us　at　Bougival；　you　remember　the　involuntary　fright　that　his　arrival　caused　me；　and　the　scene　which　took　place　between　you　and　him；　which　you　told　me　of　in　the　evening。

Next　day；　when　you　were　at　Paris；　waiting　for　your　father；　and　he　did　not　return；　a　man　came　to　the　door　and　handed　in　a　letter　from　M。　Duval。

His　letter；　which　I　inclose　with　this；　begged　me；　in　the　most　serious　terms；　to　keep　you　away　on　the　following　day；　on　some　excuse　or　other；　and　to　see　your　father；　who　wished　to　speak　to　me；　and　asked　me　particularly　not　to　say　anything　to　you　about　it。

You　know　how　I　insisted　on　your　returning　to　Paris　next　day。

You　had　only　been　gone　an　hour　when　your　father　presented　himself。　I　won't　say　what　impression　his　severe　face　made　upon　me。　Your　father　had　the　old　theory　that　a　courtesan　is　a　being　without　heart　or　reason；　a　sort　of　machine　for　coining　gold；　always　ready；　like　the　machine；　to　bruise　the　hand　that　gives　her　everything；　and　to　tear　in　pieces；　without　pity　or　discernment；　those　who　set　her　in　motion。

Your　father　had　written　me　a　very　polite　letter；　in　order　that　I　might　consent　to　see　him；　he　did　not　present　himself　quite　as　he　had　written。　His　manner　at　first　was　so　stiff；　insolent；　and　even　threatening；　that　I　had　to　make　him　understand　that　I　was　in　my　own　house；　and　that　I　had　no　need　to　render　him　an　account　of　my　life；　except　because　of　the　sincere　affection　which　I　had　for　his　son。

M。　Duval　calmed　down　a　little；　but　still　went　on　to　say　that　he　could　not　any　longer　allow　his　son　to　ruin　himself　over　me；　that　I　was　beautiful；　it　was　true；　but；　however　beautiful　I　might　be；　I　ought　not　to　make　use　of　my　beauty　to　spoil　the　future　of　a　young　man　by　such　expenditure　as　I　was　causing。

At　that　there　was　only　one　thing　to　do；　to　show　him　the　proof　that　since　I　was　your　mistress　I　had　spared　no　sacrifice　to　be　faithful　to　you　without　asking　for　more　money　than　you　had　to　give　me。　I　showed　him　the　pawn　tickets；　the　receipts　of　the　people　to　whom　I　had　sold　what　I　could　not　pawn；　I　told　him　of　my　resolve　to　part　with　my　furniture　in　order　to　pay　my　debts；　and　live　with　you　without　being　a　too　heavy　expense。　I　told　him　of　our　happiness；　of　how　you　had　shown　me　the　possibility　of　a　quieter　and　happier　life；　and　he　ended　by　giving　in　to　the　evidence；　offering　me　his　hand；　and　asking　pardon　for　the　way　in　which　he　had　at　first　approached　me。

Then　he　said　to　me：

〃So；　madame；　it　is　not　by　remonstrances　or　by　threats；　but　by　entreaties；　that　I　must　endeavour　to　obtain　from　you　a　greater　sacrifice　than　you　have　yet　made　for　my　son。〃

I　trembled　at　this　beginning。

Your　father　came　over　to　me；　took　both　my　hands；　and　continued　in　an　affectionate　voice：

〃My　child；　do　not　take　what　I　have　to　say　to　you　amiss；　only　remember　that　there　are　sometimes　in　life　cruel　necessities　for　the　heart；　but　that　they　must　be　submitted　to。　You　are　good；　your　soul　has　generosity　unknown　to　many　women　who　perhaps　despise　you；　and　are　less　worthy　than　you。　But　remember　that　there　is　not　only　the　mistress；　but　the　family；　that　besides　love　there　are　duties；　that　to　the　age　of　passion　succeeds　the　age　when　man；　if　he　is　to　be　respected；　must　plant　himself　solidly　in　a　serious　position。　My　son　has　no　fortune；　and　yet　he　is　ready　to　abandon　to　you　the　legacy　of　his　mother。　If　he　accepted　from　you　the　sacrifice　which　you　are　on　the　point　of　making；　his　honour　and　dignity　would　require　him　to　give　you；　in　exchange　for　it；　this　income；　which　would　always　put　you　out　of　danger　of　adversity。　But　he　can　not　accept　this　sacrifice；　because　the　world；　which　does　not　know　you；　would　give　a　wrong　interpretation　to　this　acceptance；　and　such　an　interpretation　must　not　tarnish　the　name　which　we　bear。　No　one　would　consider　whether　Armand　loves　you；　whether　you　love　him；　whether　this　mutual　love　means　happiness　to　him　and　redemption　to　you；　they　would　see　only　one　thing；　that　Armand　Duval　allowed　a　kept　woman　（forgive　me；　my　child；　for　what　I　am　forced　to　say　to　you）　to　sell　all　she　had　for　him。　Then　the　day　of　reproaches　and　regrets　would　arrive；　be　sure；　for　you　or　for　others；　and　you　would　both　bear　a　chain　that　you　could　not　sever。　What　would　you　do　then？　Your　youth　would　be　lost；　my　son's　future　destroyed；　and　I；　his　father；　should　receive　from　only　one　of　my　children　the　recompense　that　I　look　for　from　both。

〃You　are　young；　beautiful；　life　will　console　you；　you　are　noble；　and　the　memory　of　a　good　deed　will　redeem　you　from　many　past　deeds。　During　the　six　months　that　he　has　known　you　Armand　has　forgotten　me。　I　wrote　to　him　four　times；　and　he　has　never　once　replied。　I　might　have　died　and　he　not　known　it！

〃Whatever　may　be　your　resolution　of　living　otherwise　than　as　you　have　lived；　Armand；　who　loves　you；　will　never　consent　to　the　seclusion　to　which　his　modest　fortune　would　condemn　you；　and　to　which　your　beauty　does　not　entitle　you。　Who　knows　what　he　would　do　then！　He　has　gambled；　I　know；　without　telling　you　of　it；　I　know　also；　but；　in　a　moment　of　madness；　he　might　have　lost　part　of　what　I　have　saved；　during　many　years；　for　my　daughter's　portion；　for　him；　and　for　the　repose　of　my　old　age。　What　might　have　happened　may　yet　happen。

〃Are　you　sure；　besides；　that　the　life　which　you　are　giving　up　for　him　will　never　again　come　to　attract　you？　Are　you　sure；　you　who　have　loved　him；　that　you　will　never　love　another？　Would　you　not…suffer　on　seeing　the　hindrances　set　by　your　love　to　your　lover's　life；　hindrances　for　which　you　would　be　powerless　to　console　him；　if；　with　age；　thoughts　of　ambition　should　succeed　to　dreams　of　love？　Think　over　all　that；　madame。　You　love　Armand；　prove　it　to　him　by　the　sole　means　which　remains　to　you　of　yet　proving　it　to　him；　by　sacrificing　your　love　to　his　future。　No　misfortune　has　yet　arrived；　but　one　will　arrive；　and　perhaps　a　greater　one　than　those　which　I　foresee。　Armand　might　become　jealous　of　a　man　who　has　loved　you；　he　might　provoke　him；　fight；　be　killed。　Think；　then；　what　you　would　suffer　in　the　presence　of　a　father　who　should　call　on　you　to　render　an　account　for　the　life　of　his　son！

〃Finally；　my　dear　child；　let　me　tell　you　all；　for　I　have　not　yet　told　you　all；　let　me　tell　you　what　has　brought　me　to　Paris。　I　have　a　daughter；　as　I　have　told　you；　young；　beautiful；　pure　as　an