sk.theshining-第52部分

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　　In　her　striving　to　make　the　right　decision；　to　find　the　alternative；　the　bitter　irony　of　her　thoughts　did　not　occur：　an　hour　ago　she　had　been　asleep；　firmly　convinced　that　things　were　all　right　and　soon　would　be　even　better。　Now　she　was　considering　the　possibility　of　using　a　butcher　knife　on　her　husband　if　he　tried　to　interfere　with　her　and　her　son。
　　At　last　she　stood　up　with　Danny　in　her　arms；　her　legs　trembling。　There　was　no　other　way。　She　would　have　to　assume　that　Jack　awake　was　Jack　sane；　and　that　he　would　help　her　get　Danny　down　to　Sidewinder　and　Dr。　Edmonds。　And　if　Jack　tried　to　do　anything　but　help；　God　help　him。
　　She　went　to　the　door　and　unlocked　it。　Shifting　Danny　up　to　her　shoulder；　she　opened　it　and　went　out　into　the　hall。
　　〃Jack？〃　she　called　nervously；　and　got　no　answer。
　　With　growing　trepidation　she　walked　down　to　the　stairwell；　but　Jack　was　not　there。　And　as　she　stood　there　on　the　landing；　wondering　what　to　do　next；　the　singing　came　up　from　below；　rich；　angry；　bitterly　satiric：
　　
　　〃Roll　me　over　In　the　clo…ho…ver；　Roll　me　over；　lay　me　down　and　do　it　again。〃
　　
　　She　was　frightened　even　more　by　the　sound　of　him　than　she　had　been　by　his　silence；　but　there　was　still　no　alternative。　She　started　down　the　stairs。
　　　
　　　》
　　〃IT　WAS　HER！〃
　　
　　Jack　had　stood　on　the　stairs；　listening　to　the　crooning；　forting　sounds　ing　muffled　through　the　locked　door；　and　slowly　his　confusion　had　given　way　to　anger。　Things　had　never　really　changed。　Not　to　Wendy。　He　could　be　off　the　juice　for　twenty　years　and　still　when　he　came　home　at　night　and　she　embraced　him　at　the　door；　he　would　see/　sense　that　little　flare　of　her　nostrils　as　she　tried　to　divine　scotch　or　gin　fumes　riding　the　outbound　train　of　his　exhalation。　She　was　always　going　to　assume　the　worst；　if　he　and　Danny　got　in　a　car　accident　with　a　drunken　blindman　who　。had　had　a　stroke　just　before　the　collision；　she　would　silently　blame　Danny's　injuries　on　him　and　turn　away。
　　Her　face　as　she　had　snatched　Danny　away…it　rose　up　before　him　and　he　suddenly　wanted　to　wipe　the　anger　that　had　been　on　it　out　with　his　fist。
　　She　had　no　goddam　right！
　　Yes；　maybe　at　first。　He　had　been　a　lush；　he　had　done　terrible　things。　Breaking　Danny's　arm　had　been　a　terrible　thing。　But　if　a　man　reforms；　doesn't　he　deserve　to　have　his　reformation　credited　sooner　or　later？　And　if　he　doesn't　get　it；　doesn't　he　deserve　the　game　to　go　with　the　name？　If　a　father　constantly　accuses　his　virginal　daughter　of　screwing　every　boy　in　junior　high；　must　she　not　at　last　grow　weary　（enough）　of　it　to　earn　her　scoldings？　And　if　a　wife　secretly…and　not　so　secretly…continues　to　believe　that　her　teetotaling　husband　is　a　drunk　。　。　。
　　He　got　up；　walked　slowly　down　to　the　first…floor　landing；　and　stood　there　for　a　moment。　He　took　his　handkerchief　from　his　back　pocket；　wiped　his　lips　with　it；　and　considered　going　down　and　pounding　on　the　bedroom　door；　demanding　to　be　let　in　so　he　could　see　his　son。　She　had　no　right　to　be　so　goddam　highhanded。
　　Well；　sooner　or　later　she'd　have　to　e　out；　unless　she　planned　a　radical　sort　of　diet　for　the　two　of　them。　A　rather　ugly　grin　touched　his　lips　at　the　thought。　Let　her　e　to　him。　She　would　in　time。
　　He　went　downstairs　to　the　ground　floor；　stood　aimlessly　by　the　lobby　desk　for　a　moment；　then　turned　right。　He　went　into　the　dining　room　and　stood　just　inside　the　door。　The　empty　tables；　their　white　linen　cloths　neatly　cleaned　and　pressed　beneath　their　clear　plastic　covers；　glimmered　up　at　him。　All　was　deserted　now　but
　　
　　（Dinner　Will　Be　Served　at　8　P。M。
　　Unm　asking　and　Dancing　At　Midnight）
　　
　　Jack　walked　among　the　tables；　momentarily　forgetting　his　wife　and　son　upstairs；　forgetting　the　dream；　the　smashed　radio；　the　bruises。　He　trailed　his　fingers　over　the　slick　plastic　dustcovers；　trying　to　imagine　how　it　must　have　been　on　that　hot　August　night　in　1945；　the　war　won；　the　future　stretching　ahead　so　various　and　new；　like　a　land　of　dreams。　The　bright　and　particolored　Japanese　lanterns　hung　the　whole　length　of　the　circular　drive；　the　golden…yellow　light　spilling　from　these　high　windows　that　were　now　drifted　over　with　snow。　Men　and　women　in　costume；　here　a　glittering　princess；　there　a　high…booted　cavalier；　flashing　jewelry　and　flashing　wit　every　where；　dancing；　liquor　flowing　freely；　first　wine　and　then　cocktails　and　then　perhaps　boilermakers　the　level　of　conver　sation　going　up　and　up　and　up　until　the　jolly　cry　rang　out　from　the　bandmaster's　podium；　the　cry　of　〃Unmask！　Unmask！〃　（And　the　Red　Death　held　sway　。　。　。）　He　found　himself　standing　on　the　other　side　of　the　dining　room；　just　outside　the　stylized　batwing　doors　of　the　Colorado　Lounge　where；　on　that　night　in　1945；　all　the　booze　would　have　been　free。
　　（Belly　up　to　the　bar；　pardner；　the　drinks're　on　the　house。）　He　stepped　through　the　batwings　and　into　the　deep；　folded　shadows　of　the　bar。
　　And　a　strange　thing　occurred。　He　had　been　in　here　before；　once　to　check　the　inventory　sheet　Ullman　had　left；　and　he　knew　the　place　had　been　stripped　clean。
　　The　shelves　were　totally　bare。　But　now；　lit　only　murkily　by　the　light　which　filtered　through　from　the　dining　room　（which　was　itself　only　dimly　lit　because　of　the　snow　blocking　the　windows）；　he　thought　he　saw　ranks　and　ranks　of　bottles　twinkling　mutedly　behind　the　bar；　and　syphons；　and　even　beer　dripping　from　the　spigots　of　all　three　highly　polished　taps。　Yes；　he　could　even　smell　beer；　that　damp　and　fermented　and　yeasty　odor；　no　different　from　the　smell　that　had　hung　finely　misted　around　his　father's　face　every　night　when　he　came　home　from　work。
　　Eyes　widening；　he　fumbled　for　the　wall　switch；　and　the　low；　intimate　bar…　lighting　came　on；　circles　of　twenty…watt　bulbs　emplanted　on　the　tops　of　the　three　wagon…wheel　chandeliers　overhead。
　　The　shelves　were　all　empty。　They　had　not　even　as　yet　gathered　a　good　coat　of　dust。　The　beer　taps　were　dry；　as　were　the　chrome　drains　beneath　them。　To　his　left　and　right；　the　velvet…upholstered　booths　stood　like　men　with　high　backs；　each　one　designed　to　give　a　maximum　of　privacy　to　the　couple　inside。　Straight　ahead；　across　the　red…carpeted　floor；　forty　barstools　stood　around　the　horseshoe…shaped　bar。　Each　stool　was　upholstered　in　leather　and　embossed　with　cattle　brands…Circle　H；　Bar　D　Bar　（that　was　fitting）；　Rocking　W；　Lazy　B。
　　He　approached　it；　giving　his　head　a　little　shake　of　bewilderment　as　he　did　so。
　　It　was　like　that　day　on　the　playground　when　。　。　。　but　there　was　no　sense　in　thinking　about　that。　Still　he　could　have　sworn　he　had　seen　those　bottles；　vaguely；　it　was　true；　the　way　you　see　the　darkened　shapes　of　furniture　in　a　room　where　the　curtains　have　been　drawn。　Mild　glints　on　glass。　The　only　thing　that　remained　was　that　smell　of　beer；　and　Jack　knew　that　was　a　smell　that　faded　into　the　woodwork　of　every　bar　in　the　world　after　a　certain　period　of　time；　not　to　be　eradicated　by　any　cleaner　invented。　Yet　the　smell　here　seemed　sharp　。　。　。　almost　fresh。
　　He　sat　down　on　one　of　the　stools　and　propped　his　elbows　on　the　bar's　leather…　cushioned　edge。　At　his　left　hand　was　a　bowl　for　peanuts…now　empty；　of　course。
　　The　first　bar　he'd　been　in　for　nineteen　months　and　the　damned　thing　was　dry…just　his　luck。　All　the　same；　a　bitterly　powerful　wave　of　nostalgia　swept　over　him；　and　the　physical　craving　for　a　drink　seemed　to　work　itself　up　from　his　belly　to　his　throat　to　his　mouth　and　nose；　shriveling　and　wrinkling　the　tissues　as　it　went；　making　them　cry　out　for　something　wet　and　long　and　cold。
　　He　glanced　at　the　shelves　again　in　wild；　irrational　hope　but　the　shelves　were　just　as　empty　as　before。　He　grinned　in　pain　and　frustration。　His　fists；　clenching　slowly；　made　minute　scratchings　on　the　bar's　leather…padded　edge。
　　〃Hi；　Lloyd；〃　he　said。　〃A　little　slow　tonight；　isn't　it？〃　Lloyd　said　it　was。　Lloyd　asked　him　what　it　would　be。
　　〃Now　I'm　really　glad　you　asked　me　that；〃　Jack　said；　〃really　glad。　Because　I　happen　to　have　two　twenties　and　two　tens　in　my　wallet　and　I　was　afraid　they'd　be　sitting　there　until　sometime　next　April。　There　isn't　a　Seven…Eleven　around　here；　would　you　believe　it？　And　I　thought　they　had　Seven…Elevens　on　the　fucking　moon。〃　Lloyd　sympathized。
　　〃So　here's　what；〃　Jack　said。　〃You　set　me　up　an　even　twenty　martinis。　An　even　twenty；　just　like　that；　kazang。　One　for　every　month　I've　been　on　the　wagon　and　one　to　grow　on。　You　can　do　that；　can't　you？　You　aren't　too　busy？〃　Lloyd　said　he　wasn't　busy　at　all。
　　〃Good　man。　You　line　those　martians　up　right　along　the　bar　and　I'm　going　to　take　them　down；　one　by　one。　White　man's　burden；　Lloyd　my　man。〃　Lloyd　turned　to　do　the　job。　Jack　reached　into　his　pocket　for　his　money　clip　and　came　out　with　an　Excedrin　bottle　instead。　His　money　clip　was　on　the　bedroom　bureau；　and　of　course　his　skinny…shanks　wife　had　locked　him　out　of　the　bedroom。
　　Nice　going；　Wendy。　You　bleeding　bitch。
　　〃I　seem　to　be　momentarily　light；〃　Jack　said。　〃How's　my　credit　in　this　joint；　anyhow？〃　Lloyd　said　his　credit　was　fine。
　　〃That's　super。　I　like　you；　Lloyd。　You　were　always　the　best　of　them。　Best　damned　barkeep　between　Barre　and　Portland；　Maine。　Portland；　Oregon；　for　that　matter。〃　Lloyd　thanked　him　for　saying　so。
　　Jack　thumped　the　cap　from　his　Exc