srdonaldson.theillearthwar-第19部分

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　say　that　name　aloud。　Squirming　at　his　cowardice；　he　avoided　Triock　by　saying；　〃Pietten。　That　poor　kid…from　Soaring　Woodhelven。　The　ur…viles　did　something　to　him。　Was　it　him？〃　He　did　not　dare　to　meet　the　High　Lord's　eyes。
　〃No；　Thomas　Covenant；〃　she　said　gently。　〃It　was　no　man。　You　knew　her　well。　She　was　Atiaran　Trellmate…she　who　guided　you　from　Mithil　Stonedown　to　your　meeting　with　Saltheart　Foamfollower　at　the　Soulsease　River。〃
　〃Hellfire！〃　he　groaned。　At　the　sound　of　her　name；　he　saw　in　his　mind　Atiaran's　spacious　eyes；　saw　the　courage　with　which　she　had　denied　her　passion　against　him　in　order　to　serve　the　Land。　And　he　caught　a　quick　visionary　image　of　her　face　as　she　incinerated　herself　trying　to　summon　him…entranced；　bitter；　livid　with　the　conflagration　of　all　the　inner　truces　which　he　had　so　severely　harmed。　〃Ah；　hell；〃　he　breathed。　〃Why？　She　needed…she　needed　to　forget。〃
　〃She　could　not。　Atiaran　Trell…mate　returned　to　the　Loresraat　in　her　old　age　for　many　reasons；　but　two　were　uppermost。　She　desired　to　bring…no；　desire　is　too　small　a　word。　She　hungered　for　you。　She　could　not　forget。　But　whether　she　wanted　you　for　the　Land；　or　for　herself；　I　do　not　know。　She　was　a　torn　woman；　and　it　is　in　my　heart　that　both　hungers　warred　in　her　to　the　last。　How　otherwise？　She　said　that　you　permitted　the　ravage　of　the　Celebration　of　Spring；　though　my　mother　taught　me　a　different　tale。〃
　No！　moaned　Covenant；　pacing　bent　as　if　borne　down　by　the　weight　of　the　darkness　on　his　forehead。　Oh；　Atiaran！
　〃Her　second　reason　touches　on　the　grief　of　long　years　and　extended　strength。　For　her　husband　was　Trell；　Gravelingas　of　the　rhadhamaerl。　Their　marriage　was　brave　and　glad　in　the　memory　of　Mithil　Stonedown；　for　though　she　had　surpassed　her　strength　during　her　youth　in　the　Loresraat；　and　had　left　in　weakness；　yet　was　she　strong　enough　to　stand　with　Trell　her　husband。
　〃But　her　weakness；　her　self…distrust；　remained。　The　grave　test　of　her　life　came　and　passed；　and　she　grew　old。　And　to　the　pain　you　gave　her　was　added　another；　she　aged；　and　Trell　Atiaran…mate　did　not。　His　lore　sustained　him　beyond　his　years。　So　after　so　much　hurt　she　began　to　lose　her　husband　as　well；　though　his　love　was　steadfast。　She　was　his　wife；　yet　she　became　old　enough　to　be　his　mother。
　〃So　she　returned　to　the　Loresraat；　in　grief　and　pain…and　in　devotion；　for　though　she　doubted　herself；　her　love　for　the　Land　did　not　waver。　Yet　at　the　last　ill　came　upon　her。　Fleeing　the　restraint　of　the　Lorewardens；　she　wrought　death　upon　herself。　In　that　way；　she　broke　her　Oath　of　Peace；　and　ended　her　life　in　despair。〃
　No！　he　protested。　But　he　remembered　Atiaran's　anguish；　and　the　price　she　had　paid　to　repress　it；　and　the　wrong　he　had　done　her。　He　feared　that　Elena　was　right。

　In　a　sterner　voice　that　did　not　appear　to　match　her　words；　the　High　Lord　continued；　〃After　her　death；　Trell　came　to　Revelstone。　He　is　one　of　the　mightiest　of　all　the　rhadhamaerl；　and　he　remains　here；　giving　his　skill　and　lore　to　the　defense　of　the　Land。　But　he　knows　bitterness；　and　I　fear　that　his　Oath　rests　uneasily　upon　him。　For　all　his　gentleness；　he　has　been　too　much　made　helpless。　It　is　in　my　heart　that　he　does　not　forgive。　There　was　no　aid　he　could　give　Atiaran　…or　my　mother。〃
　Through　the　ache　of　his　memories；　Covenant　wanted　to　protest　that　Trell；　with　his　broad　shoulders　and　his　strange　power；　knew　nothing　about　the　true　nature　of　helplessness。　But　this　objection　was　choked　off　by　the　grip　of　Elena's　voice　as　she　said；　my　mother。　He　stood　still；　bent　as　if　he　were　about　to　capsize；　and　waited　for　the　last　unutterable　blackness　to　fall　on　him。
　〃So　you　must　understand　why　I　rode　a　Ranyhyn　as　a　child。　Every　year　at　the　last　full　moon　before　the　middle　night　of　spring；　a　Ranyhyn　came　to　Mithil　Stonedown。　My　mother　understood　at　once　that　this　was　a　gift　from　you。　And　she　shared　it　with　me。　It　was　so　easy　for　her　to　forget　that　you　had　hurt　her。　Did　I　not　tell　you　that　I　also　am　young？　I　am　Elena　daughter　of　Lena　daughter　of　Atiaran　Trell…mate。　Lena　my　mother　remains　in　Mithil　Stonedown；　for　she　insists　that　you　will　return　to　her。〃
　For　one　more　moment；　he　stood　still；　staring　at　the　pattern　woven　into　the　shoulders　of　her　shift。　Then　a　flood　of　revelations　crashed　through　him；　and　he　understood。　He　stumbled；　dropped　into　a　chair　as　suddenly　as　if　his　spine　had　broken。　His　stomach　churned；　and　he　gagged；　trying　to　heave　up　his　emptiness。
　〃I'm　sorry。〃　The　words　burst　between　his　teeth　as　if　torn　out　of　his　chest　by　a　hard　fist　of　contrition。　They　were　as　inadequate　as　stillborns；　too　dead　to　express　what　he　felt。　But　he　could　do　nothing　else。　〃Oh；　Lena！　I'm　sorry。〃　He　wanted　to　weep；　but　he　was　a　leper；　and　had　forgotten　how。
　〃I　was　impotent。〃　He　forced　the　jagged　confession　through　his　sore　throat。　〃I　forgot　what　it's　like。　Then　we　were　alone。　And　I　felt　like　a　man　again；　but　I　knew　it　wasn't　true；　it　was　false；　I　was　dreaming；　had　to　be；　it　couldn't　happen　any　other　way。　It　was　too　much。　I　couldn't　stand　it。〃
　〃Do　not　speak　to　me　of　impotence；〃　she　returned　tightly。　〃I　am　the　High　Lord。　I　must　defeat　the　Despiser　using　arrows　and　swords。〃　Her　tone　was　harsh；　he　could　hear　other　words　running　through　it；　as　if　she　were　saying；　Do　you　think　that　mere　explanation　or　apology　is　sufficient　reparation？　And　without　the　diseased　numbness　which　justified　him；　he　could　not　argue。
　〃No；〃　he　said　in　a　shaking　voice。　〃Nothing　suffices。〃
　Slowly；　heavily；　he　raised　his　head　and　looked　at　her。　Now　he　could　see　in　her　the　sixteen…year…old　child　he　had　known；　her　mother。　That　was　her　hidden　familiarity。　She　had　her　mother's　hair；　her　mother's　figure。　Behind　her　discipline；　her　face　was　much　like　her　mother's。　And　she　wore　the　same　white　leaf…pattern　woven　into　the　cloth　at　her　shoulders　which　Lena　had　worn…the　pattern　of　Trell's　and　Atiaran's　family。
　When　he　met　her　eyes；　he　saw　that　they；　too；　were　like　Lena's。　They　glowed　with　something　that　was　neither　anger　nor　condemnation；　they　seemed　to　contradict　the　judgment　he　had　heard　a　moment　earlier。
　〃What　are　you　going　to　do　now？〃　he　said　weakly。　〃Atiaran　wanted…wanted　the　Lords　to　punish　me。〃
　Abruptly；　she　left　her　seat；　moved　around　behind　him。　She　put　her　hands　tenderly　on　his　clenched　brow　and　began　to　rub　it；　seeking　to　stroke　away　the　knots　and　furrows。　〃Ah；　Thomas　Covenant；〃　she　sighed；　with　something　like　yearning　in　her　voice。　〃I　am　the　High　Lord。　I　bear　the　Staff　of　Law。　I　fight　for　the　r　Land；　and　will　not　quail　though　the　beauty　may　die；　or　I　may　die；　or　the　world　may　die。　But　there　is　much　of　Lena　my　mother　in　me。　Do　not　frown　at　me　so。　I　cannot　bear　it。〃
　Her　soft；　cool；　consoling　touch　seemed　to　burn　his　forehead。　Mhoram　had　said　that　she　had　sat　with　him　。'　during　his　ordeal　the　previous　night…sat；　and　watched　over　him；　and　held　his　hand。　Trembling；　he　got　to　his　feet。　Now　he　knew　why　she　had　summoned　him。　There　was　a　world　of　implications　in　the　air　between　them；　her　whole　life　was　on　his　head；　for　good　or　ill。　But　it　was　too　much；　he　was　too　staggered　and　drained　to　grasp　it　all；　deal　with　it。　His　stiff　face　was　only　capable　of　grimaces。　Mutely；　he　left　her；　and　Bannor　guided　him　back　to　his　rooms。
　In　his　suite；　he　extinguished　the　torches；　covered　the　graveling　pots。　Then　he　went　out　onto　his　balcony。
　The　moon　was　rising　over　Revelstone。　It　was　still　new；　and　it　came　in　silver　over　the　horizon；　tinting　the　plains　with　unviolated　luminescence。　He　breathed　the　autumn　air；　and　leaned　on　the　railing；　immune　for…：　the　moment　from　vertigo。　Even　that　had　been　drained　out　of　him。
　He　did　not　think　about　jumping。　He　thought　about　m　how　difficult　Elena　was　to　refuse。
　
　
　SEVEN：　Korik's　Mission
　
　SOMETIME　before　dawn；　an　insistent　pounding　at　his　door　woke　him。　He　had　been　dreaming　about　the　Quest　for　the　Staff　of　Law…about　his　friend；　Saltheart　Foamfollower；　whom　the　pany　of　the　Quest　had　left　behind　to　guard　their　rear　before　they　had　entered　the　catabs　of　Mount　Thunder。　Covenant　had　not　seen　him　again；　did　not　know　whether　the　Giant　had　survived　that　perilous　duty。　When　he　awoke；　his　heart　was　laboring　as　if　the　clamor　at　the　door　were　the　beating　of　his　dread。
　Numbly；　dazed　with　sleep；　he　uncovered　a　graveling　pot；　then　shambled　into　the　sitting　room　to　answer　the　door。
　He　found　a　man　standing　in　the　brightness　of　the　hall。　His　blue　robe　belted　in　black　and　his　long　staff　identified　him　as　a　Lord。
　〃Ur…Lord　Covenant；〃　the　man　began　at　once。　〃I　must　apologize　profusely　for　disturbing　your　rest。　Of　all　the　Lords；　I　am　the　one　who　most　regrets　such　an　intrusion。　I　have　a　deep　love　for　rest。　Rest　and　food；　ur…Lord…sleep　and　sustenance。　They　are　exquisite。　Although　there　are　some　who　would　say　that　I　have　tasted　so　much　sustenance　that　I　should　no　longer　require　rest。　No　doubt　some　such　argument　caused　me　to　be　chosen　for　this　arduous　and　altogether　unsavory　journey。〃　Without　asking　for　permission；　he　bustled　past　Covenant　into　the　room。　He　was　grinning。
　Covenant　blinked　his　bleary　gaze　into　focus；　and　took　a　close　look　at　the　man。
　He　was　short　and　corpulent；　with　a　round；　beatific　face；　but　the　serenity　of　his　countenance　was　punctured　by　his　gleeful　eyes；　so　that　he　looked　like　a　misbegotten　cherub。　His　ex