memoirs of carwin the biloquist-第9部分

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Their　existence　depends　upon　this：　　their　existence　is　known　only　to　themselves。　　This　secrecy　must　be　obtained　by　all　the　means　which　are　possible。　　When　I　have　said　thus　much；　I　have　informed　you；　in　some　degree；　of　their　existence；　but　you　are　still　ignorant　of　the　purpose　contemplated　by　this　association；　and　of　all　the　members；　except　myself。　　So　far　no　dangerous　disclosure　is　yet　made：　　but　this　degree　of　concealment　is　not　sufficient。　　Thus　much　is　made　known　to　you；　because　it　is　unavoidable。　　The　individuals　which　compose　this　fraternity　are　not　immortal；　and　the　vacancies　occasioned　by　death　must　be　supplied　from　among　the　living。　　The　candidate　must　be　instructed　and　prepared；　and　they　are　always　at　liberty　to　recede。　　Their　reason　must　approve　the　obligations　and　duties　of　their　station；　or　they　are　unfit　for　it。　　If　they　recede；　one　duty　is　still　incumbent　upon　them：　　they　must　observe　an　inviolable　silence。　　To　this　they　are　not　held　by　any　promise。　They　must　weigh　consequences；　and　freely　decide；　but　they　must　not　fail　to　number　among　these　consequences　their　own　death。

Their　death　will　not　be　prompted　by　vengeance。　　The　executioner　will　say；　he　that　has　once　revealed　the　tale　is　likely　to　reveal　it　a　second　time；　and；　to　prevent　this；　the　betrayer　must　die。　　Nor　is　this　the　only　consequence：　　to　prevent　the　further　revelation；　he；　to　whom　the　secret　was　imparted；　must　likewise　perish。　　He　must　not　console　himself　with　the　belief　that　his　trespass　will　be　unknown。　　The　knowledge　cannot；　by　human　means；　be　withheld　from　this　fraternity。　　Rare；　indeed；　will　it　be　that　his　purpose　to　disclose　is　not　discovered　before　it　can　be　effected；　and　the　disclosure　prevented　by　his　death。

Be　well　aware　of　your　condition。　　What　I　now；　or　may　hereafter　mention；　mention　not　again。　　Admit　not　even　a　doubt　as　to　the　propriety　of　hiding　it　from　all　the　world。　　There　are　eyes　who　will　discern　this　doubt　amidst　the　closest　folds　of　your　heart；　and　your　life　will　instantly　be　sacrificed。

At　present　be　the　subject　dismissed。　　Reflect　deeply　on　the　duty　which　you　have　already　incurred。　　Think　upon　your　strength　of　mind；　and　be　careful　not　to　lay　yourself　under　impracticable　obligations。　　It　will　always　be　in　your　power　to　recede。　　Even　after　you　are　solemnly　enrolled　a　member；　you　may　consult　the　dictates　of　your　own　understanding；　and　relinquish　your　post；　but　while　you　live；　the　obligation　to　be　silent　will　perpetually　attend　you。

We　seek　not　the　misery　or　death　of　any　one；　but　we　are　swayed　by　an　immutable　calculation。　　Death　is　to　be　abhorred；　but　the　life　of　the　betrayer　is　productive　of　more　evil　than　his　death：　　his　death；　therefore；　we　chuse；　and　our　means　are　instantaneous　and　unerring。

I　love　you。　　The　first　impulse　of　my　love　is　to　dissuade　you　from　seeking　to　know　more。　　Your　mind　will　be　full　of　ideas；　your　hands　will　be　perpetually　busy　to　a　purpose　into　which　no　human　creature；　beyond　the　verge　of　your　brotherhood；　must　pry。　　Believe　me；　who　have　made　the　experiment；　that　compared　with　this　task；　the　task　of　inviolable　secrecy；　all　others　are　easy。　　To　be　dumb　will　not　suffice；　never　to　know　any　remission　in　your　zeal　or　your　watchfulness　will　not　suffice。　　If　the　sagacity　of　others　detect　your　occupations；　however　strenuously　you　may　labour　for　concealment；　your　doom　is　ratified；　as　well　as　that　of　the　wretch　whose　evil　destiny　led　him　to　pursue　you。

Yet　if　your　fidelity　fail　not；　great　will　be　your　recompence。　For　all　your　toils　and　self…devotion；　ample　will　be　the　retribution。　　Hitherto　you　have　been　wrapt　in　darkness　and　storm；　then　will　you　be　exalted　to　a　pure　and　unruffled　element。　　It　is　only　for　a　time　that　temptation　will　environ　you；　and　your　path　will　be　toilsome。　　In　a　few　years　you　will　be　permitted　to　withdraw　to　a　land　of　sages；　and　the　remainder　of　your　life　will　glide　away　in　the　enjoyments　of　beneficence　and　wisdom。

Think　deeply　on　what　I　have　said。　　Investigate　your　own　motives　and　opinions；　and　prepare　to　submit　them　to　the　test　of　numerous　hazards　and　experiments。

Here　my　friend　passed　to　a　new　topic。　　I　was　desirous　of　reverting　to　this　subject；　and　obtaining　further　information　concerning　it；　but　he　assiduously　repelled　all　my　attempts；　and　insisted　on　my　bestowing　deep　and　impartial　attention　on　what　had　already　been　disclosed。　　I　was　not　slow　to　comply　with　his　directions。　　My　mind　refused　to　admit　any　other　theme　of　contemplation　than　this。

As　yet　I　had　no　glimpse　of　the　nature　of　this　fraternity。　　I　was　permitted　to　form　conjectures；　and　previous　incidents　bestowed　but　one　form　upon　my　thoughts。　　In　reviewing　the　sentiments　and　deportment　of　Ludloe；　my　belief　continually　acquired　new　strength。　I　even　recollected　hints　and　ambiguous　allusions　in　his　discourse；　which　were　easily　solved；　on　the　supposition　of　the　existence　of　a　new　model　of　society；　in　some　unsuspected　corner　of　the　world。

I　did　not　fully　perceive　the　necessity　of　secrecy；　but　this　necessity　perhaps　would　be　rendered　apparent；　when　I　should　come　to　know　the　connection　that　subsisted　between　Europe　and　this　imaginary　colony。　　But　what　was　to　be　done？　　I　was　willing　to　abide　by　these　conditions。　　My　understanding　might　not　approve　of　all　the　ends　proposed　by　this　fraternity；　and　I　had　liberty　to　withdraw　from　it；　or　to　refuse　to　ally　myself　with　them。　　That　the　obligation　of　secrecy　should　still　remain；　was　unquestionably　reasonable。

It　appeared　to　be　the　plan　of　Ludloe　rather　to　damp　than　to　stimulate　my　zeal。　　He　discouraged　all　attempts　to　renew　the　subject　in　conversation。　　He　dwelt　upon　the　arduousness　of　the　office　to　which　I　aspired；　the　temptations　to　violate　my　duty　with　which　I　should　be　continually　beset；　the　inevitable　death　with　which　the　slightest　breach　of　my　engagements　would　be　followed；　and　the　long　apprenticeship　which　it　would　be　necessary　for　me　to　serve；　before　I　should　be　fitted　to　enter　into　this　conclave。

Sometimes　my　courage　was　depressed　by　these　representations。　。　。　。　。　。　　My　zeal；　however；　was　sure　to　revive；　and　at　length　Ludloe　declared　himself　willing　to　assist　me　in　the　accomplishment　of　my　wishes。　　For　this　end；　it　was　necessary；　he　said；　that　I　should　be　informed　of　a　second　obligation；　which　every　candidate　must　assume。　　Before　any　one　could　be　deemed　qualified；　he　must　be　thoroughly　known　to　his　associates。　　For　this　end；　he　must　determine　to　disclose　every　fact　in　his　history；　and　every　secret　of　his　heart。　　I　must　begin　with　making　these　confessions　with　regard　to　my　past　life；　to　Ludloe；　and　must　continue　to　communicate；　at　stated　seasons；　every　new　thought；　and　every　new　occurrence；　to　him。　　This　confidence　was　to　be　absolutely　limitless：　　no　exceptions　were　to　be　admitted；　and　no　reserves　to　be　practised；　and　the　same　penalty　attended　the　infraction　of　this　rule　as　of　the　former。　　Means　would　be　employed；　by　which　the　slightest　deviation；　in　either　case；　would　be　detected；　and　the　deathful　consequence　would　follow　with　instant　and　inevitable　expedition。　　If　secrecy　were　difficult　to　practise；　sincerity；　in　that　degree　in　which　it　was　here　demanded；　was　a　task　infinitely　more　arduous；　and　a　period　of　new　deliberation　was　necessary　before　I　should　decide。　　I　was　at　liberty　to　pause：　　nay；　the　longer　was　the　period　of　deliberation　which　I　took；　the　better；　but；　when　I　had　once　entered　this　path；　it　was　not　in　my　power　to　recede。　After　having　solemnly　avowed　my　resolution　to　be　thus　sincere　in　my　confession；　any　particle　of　reserve　or　duplicity　would　cost　me　my　life。

This　indeed　was　a　subject　to　be　deeply　thought　upon。　　Hitherto　I　had　been　guilty　of　concealment　with　regard　to　my　friend。　　I　had　entered　into　no　formal　compact；　but　had　been　conscious　to　a　kind　of　tacit　obligation　to　hide　no　important　transaction　of　my　life　from　him。　　This　consciousness　was　the　source　of　continual　anxiety。　　I　had　exerted；　on　numerous　occasions；　my　bivocal　faculty；　but；　in　my　intercourse　with　Ludloe；　had　suffered　not　the　slightest　intimation　to　escape　me　with　regard　to　it。　　This　reserve　was　not　easily　explained。　　It　was；　in　a　great　degree；　the　product　of　habit；　but　I　likewise　considered　that　the　efficacy　of　this　instrument　depended　upon　its　existence　being　unknown。　　To　confide　the　secret　to　one；　was　to　put　an　end　to　my　privilege：　　how　widely　the　knowledge　would　thenceforth　be　diffused；　I　had　no　power　to　foresee。

Each　day　multiplied　the　impediments　to　confidence。　　Shame　hindered　me　from　acknowledging　my　past　reserves。　　Ludloe；　from　the　nature　of　our　intercourse；　would　certainly　account　my　reserve；　in　this　respect；　unjustifiable；　and　to　excite　his　indignation　or　contempt　was　an　unpleasing　undertaking。　　Now；　if　I　should　resolve　to　persist　in　my　new　path；　this　reserve　must　be　dismissed：　　I　must　make　him　master　of　a　secret　which　was　precious　to　me　beyond　all　others；　by　acquainting　him　with　past　concealments；　I　must　risk　incurring　his　suspicion　and　his　anger。　　These　reflections　were　productive　of　considerable　embarrassment。

There　was；　indeed；　an　avenue　by　which　to　escape　these　difficulties；　if　it　did　not；　at　the　same　time；　plunge　me　into　greater。　　My　confessions　might；　in　other　respects；　be　unbounded；　but　my　reserves；　in　this　particular；　might　be　continued。　　Yet　should　I　not　expose　mysel