father goriot(高老头)-第58部分

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　five　this　morning；　she　is　asleep　now；　and　if　I　wake　her　before　mid…day　she　will　be　cross。　As　soon　as　she　rings；　I　will　go　and　tell　her　that　her　father　is　worse。　It　will　be　time　enough　then　to　tell　her　bad　news！'　I　begged　and　I　prayed；　but；　there！　it　was　no　good。　Then　I　asked　for　M。　le　Baron；　but　he　was　out。〃

〃To　think　that　neither　of　his　daughters　should　come！〃　exclaimed　Rastignac。　〃I　will　write　to　them　both。〃

〃Neither　of　them！〃　cried　the　old　man；　sitting　upright　in　bed。　〃They　are　busy；　they　are　asleep；　they　will　not　come！　I　knew　that　they　would　not。　Not　until　you　are　dying　do　you　know　your　children。　。　。　。　Oh！　my　friend；　do　not　marry；　do　not　have　children！　You　give　them　life；　they　give　you　your　deathblow。　You　bring　them　into　the　world；　and　they　send　you　out　of　it。　No；　they　will　not　come。　I　have　known　that　these　ten　years。　Sometimes　I　have　told　myself　so；　but　I　did　not　dare　to　believe　it。〃

The　tears　gathered　and　stood　without　overflowing　the　red　sockets。

〃Ah！　if　I　were　rich　still；　if　I　had　kept　my　money；　if　I　had　not　given　all　to　them；　they　would　be　with　me　now；　they　would　fawn　on　me　and　cover　my　cheeks　with　their　kisses！　I　should　be　living　in　a　great　mansion；　I　should　have　grand　apartments　and　servants　and　a　fire　in　my　room；　and　THEY　would　be　about　me　all　in　tears；　and　their　husbands　and　their　children。　I　should　have　had　all　that；　nowI　have　nothing。　Money　brings　everything　to　you；　even　your　daughters。　My　money。　Oh！　where　is　my　money？　If　I　had　plenty　of　money　to　leave　behind　me；　they　would　nurse　me　and　tend　me；　I　should　hear　their　voices；　I　should　see　their　faces。　Ah；　God！　who　knows？　They　both　of　them　have　hearts　of　stone。　I　loved　them　too　much；　it　was　not　likely　that　they　should　love　me。　A　father　ought　always　to　be　rich；　he　ought　to　keep　his　children　well　in　hand；　like　unruly　horses。　I　have　gone　down　on　my　knees　to　them。　Wretches！　this　is　the　crowning　act　that　brings　the　last　ten　years　to　a　proper　close。　If　you　but　knew　how　much　they　made　of　me　just　after　they　were　married。　（Oh！　this　is　cruel　torture！）　I　had　just　given　them　each　eight　hundred　thousand　francs；　they　were　bound　to　be　civil　to　me　after　that；　and　their　husbands　too　were　civil。　I　used　to　go　to　their　houses：　it　was　'My　kind　father'　here；　'My　dear　father'　there。　There　was　always　a　place　for　me　at　their　tables。　I　used　to　dine　with　their　husbands　now　and　then；　and　they　were　very　respectful　to　me。　I　was　still　worth　something；　they　thought。　How　should　they　know？　I　had　not　said　anything　about　my　affairs。　It　is　worth　while　to　be　civil　to　a　man　who　has　given　his　daughters　eight　hundred　thousand　francs　apiece；　and　they　showed　me　every　attention　thenbut　it　was　all　for　my　money。　Grand　people　are　not　great。　I　found　that　out　by　experience！　I　went　to　the　theatre　with　them　in　their　carriage；　I　might　stay　as　long　as　I　cared　to　stay　at　their　evening　parties。　In　fact；　they　acknowleged　me　their　father；　publicly　they　owned　that　they　were　my　daughters。　But　I　was　always　a　shrewd　one；　you　see；　and　nothing　was　lost　upon　me。　Everything　went　straight　to　the　mark　and　pierced　my　heart。　I　saw　quite　well　that　it　was　all　sham　and　pretence；　but　there　is　no　help　for　such　things　as　these。　I　felt　less　at　my　ease　at　their　dinner…table　than　I　did　downstairs　here。　I　had　nothing　to　say　for　myself。　So　these　grand　folks　would　ask　in　my　son…in…law's　ear；　'Who　may　that　gentleman　be？''The　father…in…law　with　the　money　bags；　he　is　very　rich。''The　devil；　e　is！'　they　would　say；　and　look　again　at　me　with　the　respect　due　to　my　money。　Well；　if　I　was　in　the　way　sometimes；　I　paid　dearly　for　my　mistakes。　And　besides；　who　is　perfect？　（My　head　is　one　sore！）　Dear　Monsieur　Eugene；　I　am　suffering　so　now；　that　a　man　might　die　of　the　pain；　but　it　is　nothing　to　be　compared　with　the　pain　I　endured　when　Anastasie　made　me　feel；　for　the　first　time；　that　I　had　said　something　stupid。　She　looked　at　me；　and　that　glance　of　hers　opened　all　my　veins。　I　used　to　want　to　know　everything；　to　be　learned；　and　one　thing　I　did　learn　thoroughly　I　knew　that　I　was　not　wanted　here　on　earth。

〃The　next　day　I　went　to　Delphine　for　comfort；　and　what　should　I　do　there　but　make　some　stupid　blunder　that　made　her　angry　with　me。　I　was　like　one　driven　out　of　his　senses。　For　a　week　I　did　not　know　what　to　do；　I　did　not　dare　to　go　to　see　them　for　fear　they　should　reproach　me。　And　that　was　how　they　both　turned　me　out　of　the　house。

〃Oh　God！　Thou　knowest　all　the　misery　and　anguish　that　I　have　endured；　Thou　hast　counted　all　the　wounds　that　have　been　dealt　to　me　in　these　years　that　have　aged　and　changed　me　and　whitened　my　hair　and　drained　my　life；　why　dost　Thou　make　me　to　suffer　so　to…　day？　Have　I　not　more　than　expiated　the　sin　of　loving　them　too　much？　They　themselves　have　been　the　instruments　of　vengeance；　they　have　tortured　me　for　my　sin　of　affection。

〃Ah；　well！　fathers　know　no　better；　I　loved　them　so；　I　went　back　to　them　as　a　gambler　goes　to　the　gaming　table。　This　love　was　my　vice；　you　see；　my　mistressthey　were　everything　in　the　world　to　me。　They　were　always　wanting　something　or　other；　dresses　and　ornaments；　and　what　not；　their　maids　used　to　tell　me　what　they　wanted；　and　I　used　to　give　them　the　things　for　the　sake　of　the　welcome　that　they　bought　for　me。　But；　at　the　same　time；　they　used　to　give　me　little　lectures　on　my　behavior　in　society；　they　began　about　it　at　once。　Then　they　began　to　feel　ashamed　of　me。　That　is　what　comes　of　having　your　children　well　brought　up。　I　could　not　go　to　school　again　at　my　time　of　life。　（This　pain　is　fearful！　MON　DIEU！　These　doctors！　these　doctors！　If　they　would　open　my　head；　it　would　give　me　some　relief！）　Oh；　my　daughters；　my　daughters！　Anastasie！　Delphine！　If　I　could　only　see　them！　Send　for　the　police；　and　make　them　come　to　me！　Justice　is　on　my　side；　the　whole　world　is　on　my　side；　I　have　natural　rights；　and　the　law　with　me。　I　protest！　The　country　will　go　to　ruin　if　a　father's　rights　are　trampled　under　foot。　That　is　easy　to　see。　The　whole　world　turns　on　fatherly　love；　fatherly　love　is　the　foundation　of　society；　it　will　crumble　into　ruin　when　children　do　not　love　their　fathers。　Oh！　if　I　could　only　see　them；　and　hear　them；　no　matter　what　they　said；　if　I　could　simply　hear　their　voices；　it　would　soothe　the　pain。　Delphine！　Delphine　most　of　all。　But　tell　them　when　they　come　not　to　look　so　coldly　at　me　as　they　do。　Oh！　my　friend；　my　good　Monsieur　Eugene；　you　do　not　know　that　it　is　when　all　the　golden　light　in　a　glance　suddenly　turns　to　a　leaden　gray。　It　has　been　one　long　winter　here　since　the　light　in　their　eyes　shone　no　more　for　me。　I　have　had　nothing　but　disappointments　to　devour。　Disappointment　has　been　my　daily　bread；　I　have　lived　on　humiliation　and　insults。　I　have　swallowed　down　all　the　affronts　for　which　they　sold　me　my　poor　stealthy　little　moments　of　joy；　for　I　love　them　so！　Think　of　it！　a　father　hiding　himself　to　get　a　glimpse　of　his　children！　I　have　given　all　my　life　to　them；　and　to…day　they　will　not　give　me　one　hour！　I　am　hungering　and　thirsting　for　them；　my　heart　is　burning　in　me；　but　they　will　not　come　to　bring　relief　in　the　agony；　for　I　am　dying　now；　I　feel　that　this　is　death。　Do　they　not　know　what　it　means　to　trample　on　a　father's　corpse？　There　is　a　God　in　heaven　who　avenges　us　fathers　whether　we　will　or　no。

〃Oh！　they　will　come！　Come　to　me；　darlings；　and　give　me　one　more　kiss；　one　last　kiss；　the　Viaticum　for　your　father；　who　will　pray　God　for　you　in　heaven。　I　will　tell　Him　that　you　have　been　good　children　to　your　father；　and　plead　your　cause　with　God！　After　all；　it　is　not　their　fault。　I　tell　you　they　are　innocent；　my　friend。　Tell　every　one　that　it　is　not　their　fault；　and　no　one　need　be　distressed　on　my　account。　It　is　all　my　own　fault；　I　taught　them　to　trample　upon　me。　I　loved　to　have　it　so。　It　is　no　one's　affair　but　mine；　man's　justice　and　God's　justice　have　nothing　to　do　in　it。　God　would　be　unjust　if　He　condemned　them　for　anything　they　may　have　done　to　me。　I　did　not　behave　to　them　properly；　I　was　stupid　enough　to　resign　my　rights。　I　would　have　humbled　myself　in　the　dust　for　them。　What　could　you　expect？　The　most　beautiful　nature；　the　noblest　soul；　would　have　been　spoiled　by　such　indulgence。　I　am　a　wretch；　I　am　justly　punished。　I；　and　I　only；　am　to　blame　for　all　their　sins；　I　spoiled　them。　To…day　they　are　as　eager　for　pleasure　as　they　used　to　be　for　sugar…plums。　When　they　were　little　girls　I　indulged　them　in　every　whim。　They　had　a　carriage　of　their　own　when　they　were　fifteen。　They　have　never　been　crossed。　I　am　guilty；　and　not　theybut　I　sinned　through　love。

〃My　heart　would　open　at　the　sound　of　their　voices。　I　can　hear　them；　they　are　coming。　Yes！　yes！　they　are　coming。　The　law　demands　that　they　should　be　present　at　their　father's　deathbed；　the　law　is　on　my　side。　It　would　only　cost　them　the　hire　of　a　cab。　I　would　pay　that。　Write　to　them；　tell　them　that　I　have　millions　to　leave　to　them！　On　my　word　of　honor；　yes。　I　am　going　to　manufacture　Italian　paste　foods　at　Odessa。　I　understand　the　trade。　There　are　millions　to　be　made　in　it。　Nobody　has　thought　of　the　scheme　as　yet。　You　see；　there　will　be　no　waste；　no　damage　in　transit；　as　there　always　is　with　wheat　and　flour。　Hey！　hey！　and　starch　too；　there　are　millions　to　be　made　in　the　starch　trade！　You　will　not　be　telling　a　lie。　Millions；　tell　them；　and　even　if　they　really　come　beca