a new england girlhood-第27部分

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e　stagedriver　looked　upon　us　as　his　especial　charge；　and　we　had　a　sense　of　personal　property　in　the　Salem　and　Lowell　stagecoach；　which　had　once；　like　a　fairy…godmother's　coach；　rumbled　down　into　our　own　little　lane；　taken　possession　of　us；　and　carried　us　off　to　a　new　home。

My　married　sisters　had　families　growing　up　about　them；　and　they　liked　to　have　us　younger　ones　come　and　help　take　care　of　their　babies。　One　of　them　sent　for　me　just　when　the　close　air　and　long　days'　work　were　beginning　to　tell　upon　my　health；　and　it　was　decided　that　I　had　better　go。　The　salt　wind　soon　restored　my　strength；　and　those　months　of　quiet　family　life　were　very　good　for　me。

Like　most　young　girls；　I　had　a　motherly　fondness　for　little　children；　and　my　two　baby…nephews　were　my　pride　and　delight。　The　older　one　had　a　delicate　constitution；　and　there　was　a　thoughtful；　questioning　look　in　his　eyes；　that　seemed　to　gaze　forward　almost　sadly；　and　foresee　that　be　should　never　attain　to　manhood。　The　younger；　a　plump；　vigorous　urchin；　three　or　four　months　old；　did；　without　doubt；　〃feel　his　life　in　every　limb。〃　He　was　my　especial　charge；　for　his　brother's　clinging　weakness　gave　him；　the　first…born；　the　place　nearest　his　mother's　heart。　The　baby　bore　the　family　name；　mine　and　his　mother's；　〃our　little　Lark；〃　we　sometimes　called　him；　for　his　wide…awakeness　and　his　merry…heartedness。（Alas！　neither　of　those　beautiful　boys　grew　up　to　be　men！　One　page　of　my　home…memories　is　sadly　written　over　with　their　elegy；　the　〃Graves　of　a　Household。〃　Father；　mother；　and　four　sons；　an　entire　family；　long　since　passed　away　from　earthly　sight。）

The　tie　between　my　lovely　baby…nephew　and　myself　became　very　close。　The　first　two　years　of　a　child's　life　are　its　most　appealing　years；　and　call　out　all　the　latent　tenderness　of　the　nature　on　which　it　leans　for　protection。　I　think　I　should　have　missed　one　of　the　best　educating　influences　of　my　youth；　if　I　had　not　had　the　care　of　that　baby　for　a　year　or　more　just　as　I　entered　my　teens。　I　was　never　so　happy　as　when　I　held　him　in　my　arms；　sleeping　or　waking；　and　he；　happy　anywhere；　was　always　contented　when　he　was　with　me。

I　was　as　fond　as　ever　of　reading；　and　somehow　I　managed　to　combine　baby　and　book。　Dickens's　〃Old　Curiosity　Shop〃　was　just　then　coming　out　in　a　Philadelphia　weekly　paper；　and　I　read　it　with　the　baby　playing　at　my　feet；　or　lying　across　my　lap；　in　an　unfinished　room　given　up　to　sea…chests　and　coffee…bags　and　spicy　foreign　odors。　（My　cherub's　papa　was　a　sea…captain；　usually　away　on　his　African　voyages。）　Little　Nell　and　her　grandfather　became　as　real　to　me　as　my　darling　charge；　and　if　a　tear　from　his　nurse's　eyes　sometimes　dropped　upon　his　cheek　as　he　slept；　he　was　not　saddened　by　it。　When　he　awoke　he　was　irrepressible；　clutching　at　my　hair　with　his　stout　pink　fists；　and　driving　all　dream…people　effectually　out　of　my　head。　Like　all　babies；　he　was　something　of　a　tyrant；　but　that　brief；　sweet　despotism　ends　only　too　soon。　I　put　him　gratefully　down；　dimpled；　chubby；　and　imperious；　upon　the　list　of　my　girlhood's　teachers。

My　sister　had　no　domestic　help　besides　mine；　so　I　learned　a　good　deal　about　general　housework。　　A　girl's　preparation　for　life　was；　in　those　days；　considered　quite　imperfect；　who　had　no　practical　knowledge　of　that　kind。　We　were　taught；　indeed；　how　to　do　every…　thing　that　a　woman　might　be　called　upon　to　do　under　any　circumstances；　for　herself　or　for　the　household　she　lived　in。　It　was　one　of　the　advantages　of　the　old　simple　way　of　living；　that　the　young　daughters　of　the　house　were；　as　a　matter　of　course；　instructed　in　all　these　things。　They　acquired　the　habit　of　being　ready　for　emergencies；　and　the　family　that　required　no　outside　assistance　was　delightfully　independent。

A　young　woman　would　have　been　considered　a　very　inefficient　being　who　could　not　make　and　mend　and　wash　and　iron　her　own　clothing；　and　get　three　regular　meals　and　clear　them　away　every　day；　besides　keeping　the　house　tidy；　and　doing　any　other　needed　neighborly　service；　such　as　sitting　all　night　by　a　sick…bed。　　To　be　〃a　good　watcher〃　was　considered　one　of　the　most　important　of　womanly　attainments。　People　who　lived　side　by　side　exchanged　such　services　without　waiting　to　be　asked；　and　they　seemed　to　be　happiest　of　whom　such　kindnesses　were　most　expected。

Every　kind　of　work　brings　its　own　compensations　and　attractions。　I　really　began　to　like　plain　sewing；　I　enjoyed　sitting　down　for　a　whole　afternoon　of　it；　fingers　flying　and　thoughts　flying　faster　still；the　motion　of　the　hands　seeming　to　set　the　mind　astir。　Such　afternoons　used　to　bring　me　throngs　of　poetic　suggestions；　particularly　if　I　sat　by　an　open　window　and　could　hear　the　wind　blowing　and　a　bird　or　two　singing。　Nature　is　often　very　generous　in　opening　her　heart　to　those　who　must　keep　their　hands　employed。　Perhaps　it　is　because　she　is　always　quietly　at　work　herself；　and　so　sympathizes　with　her　busy　human　friends。　And　possibly　there　is　no　needful　occupation　which　is　wholly　unbeautiful。　The　beauty　of　work　depends　upon　the　way　we　meet　itwhether　we　arm　ourselves　each　morning　to　attack　it　as　an　enemy　that　must　be　vanquished　before　night　comes；　or　whether　we　open　our　eyes　with　the　sunrise　to　welcome　it　as　an　approaching　friend　who　will　keep　us　delightful　company　all　day；　and　who　will　make　us　feel；　at　evening；　that　the　day　was　well　worth　its　fatigues。

I　found　my　practical　experience　of　housekeeping　and　baby…tending　very　useful　to　me　afterwards　at　the　West；　in　my　sister　Emilie's　family；　when　she　was　disabled　by　illness。　I　think；　indeed；　that　every　item　of　real　knowledge　I　ever　acquired　has　come　into　use　somewhere　or　somehow　in　the　course　of　the　years。　But　these　were　not　the　things　I　had　most　wished　to　do。　The　whole　world　of　thought　lay　unexplored　before　me；a　world　of　which　I　had　already　caught　large　and　tempting　glimpses；　and　I　did　not　like　to　feel　the　horizon　shutting　me　in；　even　to　so　pleasant　a　corner　as　this。　And　the　worst　of　it　was　that　I　was　getting　too　easy　and　content…　ed；　too　indifferent　to　the　higher　realities　which　my　work　and　my　thoughtful　companions　had　kept　keenly　clear　before　me。　I　felt　my…　self　slipping　into　an　inward　apathy　from　which　it　was　hard　to　rouse　myself。　I　could　not　let　it　go　on　so。　I　must　be　where　my　life　could　expand。

It　was　hard　to　leave　the　dear　little　fellow　I　had　taught　to　walk　and　to　talk；　but　I　knew　he　would　not　be　inconsolable。　So　I　only　said　〃I　must　go；〃and　turned　my　back　upon　the　sea；　and　my　face　to　the　banks　of　the　Merrimack。

When　I　returned　I　found　that　I　enjoyed　even　the　familiar；　unremitting　clatter　of　the　mill；　because　it　indicated　that　something　was　going　on。　I　liked　to　feel　the　people　around　me；　even　those　whom　I　did　not　know；　as　a　wave　may　like　to　feel　the　surrounding　waves　urging　it　forward；　with　or　against　its　own　will。　I　felt　that　I　belonged　to　the　world；　that　there　was　something　for　me　to　do　in　it；　though　I　had　not　yet　found　out　what。　Something　to　do；　it　might　be　very　little；　but　still　it　would　be　my　own　work。　And　then　there　was　the　better　something　which　I　had　almost　forgottento　be！　Underneath　my　dull　thoughts　the　old　aspirations　were　smouldering；　the　old　ideals　rose　and　beckoned　to　me　through　the　rekindling　light。

It　was　always　aspiration　rather　than　ambition　by　which　I　felt　myself　stirred。　I　did　not　care　to　outstrip　others；　and　become　what　is　called　〃distinguished；〃　were　that　a　possibility；　so　much　as　I　longed　to　answer　the　Voice　that　invited；　ever　receding；　up　to　invisible　heights；　however　unattainable　they　might　seem。　I　was　conscious　of　a　desire　that　others　should　feel　something　coming　to　them　out　of　my　life　like　the　breath　of　flowers；　the　whisper　of　the　winds；　the　warmth　of　the　sunshine；　and　the　depth　of　the　sky。　That；　I　felt；　did　not　require　great　gifts　or　a　fine　education。　We　might　all　be　that　to　each　other。　And　there　was　no　opportunity　for　vanity　or　pride　in　receiving　a　beautiful　influence；　and　giving　it　out　again。

I　do　not　suppose　that　I　definitely　thought　all　this；　though　I　find　that　the　verses　I　wrote　for　our　two　mill　magazines　at　about　this　time　often　expressed　these　and　similar　longings。　They　were　vague；　and　they　were　too　likely　to　dissipate　themselves　in　mere　dreams。　But　our　aspirations　come　to　us　from　a　source　far　beyond　ourselves。　Happy　are　they　who　are　〃not　disobedient　unto　the　heavenly　vision〃！

A　girl　of　sixteen　sees　the　world　before　her　through　rose…tinted　mists；　a　blending　of　celestial　colors　and　earthly　exhalations；　and　she　cannot　separate　their　elements；　if　she　would；　they　all　belong　to　the　landscape　of　her　youth。　It　is　the　mystery　of　the　meeting　horizons；the　visible　beauty　seeking　to　lose　and　find　itself　in　the　Invisible。

In　returning　to　my　daily　toil　among　workmates　from　the　hill…　country；　the　scenery　to　which　they　belonged　became　also　a　part　of　my　life。　They　brought　the　mountains　with　them；　a　new　background　and　a　new　hope。　We　shared　an　uneven　path　and　homely　occupations；　but　above　us　hung　glorious　summits　never　wholly　out　of　sight。　Every　blossom　and　every　dewdrop　at　our　feet　was　touched　with　some　tint　of　that　far…off　splendor；　and　every　pebble　by　the　wayside　was　a　messenger　from　the　peak　that　our　feet　would　stand　upon　by　and　by。

The　true　climber　knows　the　delight　of　trusting　his　path；　of　following　it　without　s