the price she paid-第28部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完，想下次继续接着阅读，可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能！

n：

‘‘That's　your　check…book。　　The　bank　will　send　you　statements　of　your　account；　and　will　notify　you　when　any　further　sums　are　added。　　Now；　I　have　nothing　more　to　do　with　your　affairsexcept；　of　course；　the　artistic　sideyour　development　as　a　singer。　　You've　not　forgotten　your　appointment？''

‘‘No；''　said　Mildred；　like　a　primary　school…child　before　a　formidable　teacher。

‘‘Be　prompt；　please。　　I　make　no　reduction　for　lessons　wholly　or　partly　missed。　　The　half…hour　I　shall　assign　to　you　belongs　to　you。　　If　you　do　not　use　it；　that　is　your　affair。　　At　first　you　will　probably　be　like　all　womencareless　about　your　appointments；　coming　with　lessons　unprepared；　telephoning　excuses。　　But　if　you　are　serious　you　will　soon　fall　into　the　routine。''　‘‘I　shall　try　to　be　regular；''　murmured　Mildred。

Jennings　apparently　did　not　hear。　　‘‘I'm　on　my　way　to　the　opera…house；''　said　he。　　‘‘One　of　my　old　pupils　is　appearing　in　a　new　role；　and　she　is　nervous。　　Good　night。''

Once　more　that　swift；　quiet　exit；　followed　almost　instantaneously　by　the　sound　of　wheels　rolling　away。　Never　had　she　seen　such　rapidity　of　motion　without　loss　of　dignity。　　‘‘Yes；　he's　a　fraud；''　she　said　to　herself；　‘‘but　he's　a　good　one。''

The　idea　of　a　career　had　now　become　less　indefinite。　It　was　still　without　any　attractionnot　because　of　the　toil　it　involved；　for　that　made　small　impression　upon　her　who　had　never　worked　and　had　never　seen　anyone　work；　but　because　a　career　meant　cutting　herself　off　from　everything　she　had　been　brought　up　to　regard　as　fit　and　proper　for　a　lady。　　She　was　ashamed　of　this；　she　did　not　admit　its　existence　even　to　herself；　and　in　her　talks　with　Baird　about　the　career　she　had　professed　exactly　the　opposite　view。　　Yet　there　it　wasnor　need　she　have　been　ashamed　of　a　feeling　that　is　instilled　into　women　of　her　class　from　babyhood　as　part　of　their　ladylike　education。　　The　career　had　not　become　definite。　She　could　not　imagine　herself　out　on　a　stage　in　some　sort　of　a　costume；　with　a　painted　face；　singing　before　an　audience。　　Still；　the　career　was　less　indefinite　than　when　it　had　no　existence　beyond　Stanley　Baird's　enthusiasm　and　her　own　whipped…up　pretense　of　enthusiasm。

She　shrank　from　the　actual　start；　but　at　the　same　time　was　eager　for　it。　　Inaction　began　to　fret　her　nerves；　and　she　wished　to　be　doing　something　to　show　her　appreciation　of　Stanley　Baird's　generosity。　　She　telephoned　Mrs。　Brindley　that　she　would　come　in　the　morning；　and　then　she　told　her　landlady。

Mrs。　Belloc　was　more　than　regretful；　she　was　distressed。　　Said　she：　　‘‘I've　taken　a　tremendous　fancy　to　you；　and　I　hate　to　give　you　up。　　I'd　do　most　anything　to　keep　you。''

Mildred　explained　that　her　work　compelled　her　to　go。

‘‘That's　very　interesting；''　said　Mrs。　Belloc。　　‘‘If　I　were　a　few　years　younger；　and　hadn't　spent　all　my　energy　in　teaching　school　and　putting　through　that　marriage；　I'd　try　to　get　on　the　stage；　myself。　　I　don't　want　to　lose　sight　of　you。''

‘‘Oh；　I'll　come　to　see　you　from　time　to　time。''

‘‘No；　you　won't；''　said　Mrs。　Belloc　practically。　　‘‘No　more　than　I'd　come　to　see　you。　　Our　lives　lie　in　different　directions；　and　in　New　York　that　means　we'll　never　have　time　to　meet。　　But　we　may　be　thrown　together　again；　some　time。　　As　I've　got　a　twenty　years'　lease　on　this　house；　I　guess　you'll　have　no　trouble　in　finding　me。　　I　suppose　I　could　look　you　up　through　Professor　Jennings？''

‘‘Yes；''　said　Mildred。　　Then　impulsively；　‘‘Mrs。　Belloc；　there's　a　reason　why　I'd　like　to　change　without　anyone's　knowing　what　has　become　of　meI　mean；　anyone　that　might　bewatching　me。''

‘‘I　understand　perfectly；''　said　Mrs。　Belloc　with　a　ready　sympathy　that　made　Mildred　appreciate　the　advantages　of　the　friendship　of　unconventional；　knock…　about　people。　　‘‘Nothing　could　be　easier。　　You've　got　no　luggage　but　that　bag。　　I'll　take　it　up　to　the　Grand　Central　Station　and　check　it；　and　bring　the　check　back　here。　　You　can　send　for　it　when　you　please。''

‘‘But　what　about　me？''　said　Mildred。

‘‘I　was　coming　to　that。　　You　walk　out　of　here；　say；　about　half　an　hour　after　I　go　in　the　taxi。　　You　walk　through　to　the　corner　of　Lexington　Avenue　and　Thirty…　seventh　Streetthere　aren't　any　cabs　to　be　had　there。　I'll　be　waiting　in　the　taxi；　and　we'll　make　a　dash　up　the　East　Side　and　I　can　drop　you　at　some　quiet　place　in　the　park　and　go　onand　you　can　walk　to　your　new　address。　　How　does　that　strike　you？''

Mildred　expressed　her　admiration。　　The　plan　was　carried　out；　as　Mrs。　Belloca　born　genius　at　all　forms　of　intriguehad　evolved　it　in　perfection　on　the　spur　of　the　moment。　　As　they　went　up　the　far　East　Side；　Mrs。　Belloc；　looking　back　through　the　little　rear　window；　saw　a　taxi　a　few　blocks　behind　them。　　‘‘We　haven't　given　them　the　slip　yet；''　said　she；　‘‘but　we　will　in　the　park。''　　They　entered　the　park　at　East　Ninetieth　Street；　crossed　to　the　West　Drive。　　Acting　on　Mrs。　Belloc's　instructions；　the　motorman　put　on　full　speed　with　due　regard　to　the　occasional　policeman。　　At　a　sharp　turning　near　the　Mall；　when　the　taxi　could　be　seen　from　neither　direction；　he　abruptly　stopped。　　Out　sprang　Mildred　and　disappeared　behind　the　bushes　completely　screening　the　walk　from　the　drive。　　At　once　the　taxi　was　under…way　again。　　She；　waiting　where　the　screen　of　bushes　was　securely　thick；　saw　the　taxi　that　had　followed　them　in　the　East　Side　flash　byin　pursuit　of　Mrs。　Belloc　alone。

She　was　freeat　least　until　some　mischance　uncovered　her　to　the　little　general。　　At　Mrs。　Brindley's　she　found　a　note　awaiting　hera　note　from　Stanley　Baird：


DEAR　MILDRED：

I'm　of　for　the　Far　West；　and　probably　shall　not　be　in　town　again　until　the　early　summer。　　The　club　forwards　my　mail　and　repeats　telegrams　as　marked。　　Go　in　and　win；　and　don't　hesitate　to　call　on　me　if　you　need　me。　　No　false　pride；　PLEASE！　　I'm　getting　out　of　the　way　because　it's　obviously　best　for　the　present。

STANLEY。


As　she　finished；　her　sense　of　freedom　was　complete。　She　had　not　realized　how　uneasy　she　was　feeling　about　Stanley。　　She　did　not　doubt　his　generosity；　did　not　doubt　that　he　genuinely　intended　to　leave　her　free；　and　she　believed　that　his　delicacy　was　worthy　of　his　generosity。　　Still；　she　was　constantly　fearing　lest　circumstances　should　thrust　them　bothas　much　against　his　will　as　hersinto　a　position　in　which　she　would　have　to　choose　between　seeming；　not　to　say　being；　ungrateful；　and　playing　the　hypocrite；　perhaps　basely；　with　him。　The　little　general　eluded；　Stanley　voluntarily　removed；　she　was　indeed　free。　　Now　she　could　work　with　an　un…

troubled　mind；　could　show　Mrs。　Brindley　that　intelligent　and　persistent　workher　‘‘biggest　if　in　all　the　world''was　in　fact　a　very　simple　matter。

She　had　not　been　settled　at　Mrs。　Brindley's　many　hours　before　she　discovered　that　not　only　was　she　free　from　all　hindrances；　but　was　to　have　a　positive　and　great　help。　　Mrs。　Brindley's　talent　for　putting　people　at　their　ease　was　no　mere　drawing…room　trick。

She　made　Mildred　feel　immediately　at　home；　as　she　had　not　felt　at　home　since　her　mother　introduced　James　Presbury　into　their　house　at　Hanging　Rock。　　Mrs。　Brindley　was　absolutely　devoid　of　pretenses。　　When　Mildred　spoke　to　her　of　this　quality　in　her　she　said：

‘‘I　owe　that　to　my　husband。　　I　was　brought　up　like　everybody　elseto　be　more　or　less　of　a　poser　and　a　hypocrite。　　In　fact；　I　think　there　was　almost　nothing　genuine　about　me。　　My　husband　taught　me　to　be　myself；　to　be　afraid　of　nobody's　opinion；　to　show　myself　just　as　I　was　and　to　let　people　seek　or　avoid　me　as　they　saw　fit。　　He　was　that　sort　of　man　himself。''

‘‘He　must　have　been　a　remarkable　man；''　said　Mildred。

‘‘He　was；''　replied　Mrs。　Brindley。　　‘‘But　not　attractiveat　least　not　to　me。　　Our　marriage　was　a　mistake。　　We　quarreled　whenever　we　were　not　at　work　with　the　music。　　If　he　had　not　died；　we　should　have　been　divorced。''　　She　smiled　merrily。　　‘‘Then　he　would　have　hired　me　as　his　musical　secretary；　and　we'd　have　got　on　beautifully。''

Mildred　was　still　thinking　of　Mrs。　Brindley's　freedom　from　pretense。　　‘‘I've　never　dared　be　myself；''　confessed　she。　　‘‘I　don't　know　what　myself　really　is　like。　I　was　thinking　the　other　day　how　for　one　reason　and　another　I've　been　a　hypocrite　all　my　life。　　You　see；　I've　always　been　a　dependenthave　always　had　to　please　someone　in　order　to　get　what　I　wanted。''

‘‘You　can　never　be　yourself　until　you　have　an　independent　income；　however　small；''　said　Mrs。　Brindley。　‘‘I've　had　that　joy　only　since　my　husband　died。　　It's　as　well　that　I　didn't　have　it　sooner。　　One　is　the　better　for　having　served　an　apprenticeship　at　self…repression　and　at　pretending　to　virtues　one　has　not。　　Only　those　who　earn　their　freedom　know　how　to　use　it。　　If　I　had　had　it　ten　or　fifteen　years　ago　I'd　have　been　an　intolerable　tyrant；　making　everyone　around　me　unhappy　and　therefore　myself。　　The　ideal　world　would　be　one　where　everyone　was　born　free　and　never　knew　anything　else。　Then；　no　one　being　afraid　or　having　to　serve；　everyone　would　have　to　be　considerate　in　order　to　get　himself　tolerated。''

‘‘I　wonder　if　I　really　ever　shall　be　able　to　earn　a　living？''　sighed　Mildred。

‘‘You　must　decide　that　whatever　you　can　make　shall　be　for　you　a　living；''　said　the　older　woman。　　‘‘I　have　lived　on　my　fixed　income；　which　is　under　two　thousand　a　year。　　And　I　am　read