lay morals-第13部分

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　　Had　you　gone　on；　had　　you　found　every　fourth　face　a　blot　upon　the　landscape；　had　　you　visited　the　hospital　and　seen　the　butt…ends　of　human　　beings　lying　there　almost　unrecognisable；　but　still　　breathing；　still　thinking；　still　remembering；　you　would　have　　understood　that　life　in　the　lazaretto　is　an　ordeal　from　which　　the　nerves　of　a　man's　spirit　shrink；　even　as　his　eye　quails　　under　the　brightness　of　the　sun；　you　would　have　felt　it　was　　（even　to…day）　a　pitiful　place　to　visit　and　a　hell　to　dwell　　in。　　It　is　not　the　fear　of　possible　infection。　　That　seems　a　　little　thing　when　compared　with　the　pain；　the　pity；　and　the　　disgust　of　the　visitor's　surroundings；　and　the　atmosphere　of　　affliction；　disease；　and　physical　disgrace　in　which　he　　breathes。　　I　do　not　think　I　am　a　man　more　than　usually　timid；　　but　I　never　recall　the　days　and　nights　I　spent　upon　that　　island　promontory　（eight　days　and　seven　nights）；　without　　heartfelt　thankfulness　that　I　am　somewhere　else。　　I　find　in　　my　diary　that　I　speak　of　my　stay　as　a　'grinding　experience'：　　I　have　once　jotted　in　the　margin；　'HARROWING　is　the　word'；　　and　when　the　MOKOLII　bore　me　at　last　towards　the　outer　world；　　I　kept　repeating　to　myself；　with　a　new　conception　of　their　　pregnancy；　those　simple　words　of　the　song　…


''Tis　the　most　distressful　country　that　ever　yet　was　seen。'


And　observe：　that　which　I　saw　and　suffered　from　was　a　　settlement　purged；　bettered；　beautified；　the　new　village　　built；　the　hospital　and　the　Bishop…Home　excellently　arranged；　　the　sisters；　the　doctor；　and　the　missionaries；　all　　indefatigable　in　their　noble　tasks。　　It　was　a　different　place　　when　Damien　came　there　and　made　his　great　renunciation；　and　　slept　that　first　night　under　a　tree　amidst　his　rotting　　brethren：　alone　with　pestilence；　and　looking　forward　（with　　what　courage；　with　what　pitiful　sinkings　of　dread；　God　only　　knows）　to　a　lifetime　of　dressing　sores　and　stumps。

You　will　say；　perhaps；　I　am　too　sensitive；　that　sights　as　　painful　abound　in　cancer　hospitals　and　are　confronted　daily　　by　doctors　and　nurses。　　I　have　long　learned　to　admire　and　　envy　the　doctors　and　the　nurses。　　But　there　is　no　cancer　　hospital　so　large　and　populous　as　Kalawao　and　Kalaupapa；　and　　in　such　a　matter　every　fresh　case；　like　every　inch　of　length　　in　the　pipe　of　an　organ；　deepens　the　note　of　the　impression；　　for　what　daunts　the　onlooker　is　that　monstrous　sum　of　human　　suffering　by　which　he　stands　surrounded。　　Lastly；　no　doctor　　or　nurse　is　called　upon　to　enter　once　for　all　the　doors　of　　that　gehenna；　they　do　not　say　farewell；　they　need　not　abandon　　hope；　on　its　sad　threshold；　they　but　go　for　a　time　to　their　　high　calling；　and　can　look　forward　as　they　go　to　relief；　to　　recreation；　and　to　rest。　　But　Damien　shut…to　with　his　own　　hand　the　doors　of　his　own　sepulchre。

I　shall　now　extract　three　passages　from　my　diary　at　Kalawao。

A。　　'Damien　is　dead　and　already　somewhat　ungratefully　　remembered　in　the　field　of　his　labours　and　sufferings。　　〃He　　was　a　good　man；　but　very　officious；〃　says　one。　　Another　tells　　me　he　had　fallen　（as　other　priests　so　easily　do）　into　　something　of　the　ways　and　habits　of　thought　of　a　Kanaka；　but　　he　had　the　wit　to　recognise　the　fact；　and　the　good　sense　to　　laugh　at'　＇over＇　'it。　　A　plain　man　it　seems　he　was；　I　cannot　　find　he　was　a　popular。'

B。　　'After　Ragsdale's　death'　＇Ragsdale　was　a　famous　Luna；　or　　overseer；　of　the　unruly　settlement＇　'there　followed　a　brief　　term　of　office　by　Father　Damien　which　served　only　to　publish　　the　weakness　of　that　noble　man。　　He　was　rough　in　his　ways；　　and　he　had　no　control。　　Authority　was　relaxed；　Damien's　life　　was　threatened；　and　he　was　soon　eager　to　resign。'

C。　　'Of　Damien　I　begin　to　have　an　idea。　　He　seems　to　have　　been　a　man　of　the　peasant　class；　certainly　of　the　peasant　　type：　shrewd；　ignorant　and　bigoted；　yet　with　an　open　mind；　　and　capable　of　receiving　and　digesting　a　reproof　if　it　were　　bluntly　administered；　superbly　generous　in　the　least　thing　as　　well　as　in　the　greatest；　and　as　ready　to　give　his　last　shirt　　（although　not　without　human　grumbling）　as　he　had　been　to　　sacrifice　his　life；　essentially　indiscreet　and　officious；　　which　made　him　a　troublesome　colleague；　domineering　in　all　　his　ways；　which　made　him　incurably　unpopular　with　the　　Kanakas；　but　yet　destitute　of　real　authority；　so　that　his　　boys　laughed　at　him　and　he　must　carry　out　his　wishes　by　the　　means　of　bribes。　　He　learned　to　have　a　mania　for　doctoring；　　and　set　up　the　Kanakas　against　the　remedies　of　his　regular　　rivals：　perhaps　（if　anything　matter　at　all　in　the　treatment　　of　such　a　disease）　the　worst　thing　that　he　did；　and　certainly　　the　easiest。　　The　best　and　worst　of　the　man　appear　very　　plainly　in　his　dealings　with　Mr。　Chapman's　money；　he　had　　originally　laid　it　out'　＇intended　to　lay　it　out＇　'entirely　　for　the　benefit　of　Catholics；　and　even　so　not　wisely；　but　　after　a　long；　plain　talk；　he　admitted　his　error　fully　and　　revised　the　list。　　The　sad　state　of　the　boys'　home　is　in　part　　the　result　of　his　lack　of　control；　in　part；　of　his　own　　slovenly　ways　and　false　ideas　of　hygiene。　　Brother　officials　　used　to　call　it　〃Damien's　Chinatown。〃　　〃Well；〃　they　would　　say；　〃your　China…town　keeps　growing。〃　　And　he　would　laugh　　with　perfect　good…nature；　and　adhere　to　his　errors　with　　perfect　obstinacy。　　So　much　I　have　gathered　of　truth　about　　this　plain；　noble　human　brother　and　father　of　ours；　his　　imperfections　are　the　traits　of　his　face；　by　which　we　know　　him　for　our　fellow；　his　martyrdom　and　his　example　nothing　can　　lessen　or　annul；　and　only　a　person　here　on　the　spot　can　　properly　appreciate　their　greatness。'

I　have　set　down　these　private　passages；　as　you　perceive；　　without　correction；　thanks　to　you；　the　public　has　them　in　　their　bluntness。　　They　are　almost　a　list　of　the　man's　faults；　　for　it　is　rather　these　that　I　was　seeking：　with　his　virtues；　　with　the　heroic　profile　of　his　life；　I　and　the　world　were　　already　sufficiently　acquainted。　　I　was　besides　a　little　　suspicious　of　Catholic　testimony；　in　no　ill　sense；　but　merely　　because　Damien's　admirers　and　disciples　were　the　least　likely　　to　be　critical。　　I　know　you　will　be　more　suspicious　still；　　and　the　facts　set　down　above　were　one　and　all　collected　from　　the　lips　of　Protestants　who　had　opposed　the　father　in　his　　life。　　Yet　I　am　strangely　deceived；　or　they　build　up　the　　image　of　a　man；　with　all　his　weaknesses；　essentially　heroic；　　and　alive　with　rugged　honesty；　generosity；　and　mirth。

Take　it　for　what　it　is；　rough　private　jottings　of　the　worst　　sides　of　Damien's　character；　collected　from　the　lips　of　those　　who　had　laboured　with　and　（in　your　own　phrase）　'knew　the　　man'；　…　though　I　question　whether　Damien　would　have　said　that　　he　knew　you。　　Take　it；　and　observe　with　wonder　how　well　you　　were　served　by　your　gossips；　how　ill　by　your　intelligence　and　　sympathy；　in　how　many　points　of　fact　we　are　at　one；　and　how　　widely　our　appreciations　vary。　　There　is　something　wrong　　here；　either　with　you　or　me。　　It　is　possible；　for　instance；　　that　you；　who　seem　to　have　so　many　ears　in　Kalawao；　had　heard　　of　the　affair　of　Mr。　Chapman's　money；　and　were　singly　struck　　by　Damien's　intended　wrong…doing。　　I　was　struck　with　that　　also；　and　set　it　fairly　down；　but　I　was　struck　much　more　by　　the　fact　that　he　had　the　honesty　of　mind　to　be　convinced。　　I　　may　here　tell　you　that　it　was　a　long　business；　that　one　of　　his　colleagues　sat　with　him　late　into　the　night；　multiplying　　arguments　and　accusations；　that　the　father　listened　as　usual　　with　'perfect　good…nature　and　perfect　obstinacy'；　but　at　the　　last；　when　he　was　persuaded　…　'Yes；'　said　he；　'I　am　very　much　　obliged　to　you；　you　have　done　me　a　service；　it　would　have　　been　a　theft。'　　There　are　many　（not　Catholics　merely）　who　　require　their　heroes　and　saints　to　be　infallible；　to　these　　the　story　will　be　painful；　not　to　the　true　lovers；　patrons；　　and　servants　of　mankind。

And　I　take　it；　this　is　a　type　of　our　division；　that　you　are　　one　of　those　who　have　an　eye　for　faults　and　failures；　that　　you　take　a　pleasure　to　find　and　publish　them；　and　that；　　having　found　them；　you　make　haste　to　forget　the　overvailing　　virtues　and　the　real　success　which　had　alone　introduced　them　　to　your　knowledge。　　It　is　a　dangerous　frame　of　mind。　　That　　you　may　understand　how　dangerous；　and　into　what　a　situation　　it　has　already　brought　you；　we　will　（if　you　please）　go　hand…　in…hand　through　the　different　phrases　of　your　letter；　and　　candidly　examine　each　from　the　point　of　view　of　its　truth；　　its　appositeness；　and　its　charity。

Damien　was　COARSE。

It　is　very　possible。　　You　make　us　sorry　for　the　lepers；　who　　had　only　a　coarse　old　peasant　for　their　friend　and　father。　　　But　you；　who　were　so　refined；　why　were　you　not　there；　to　　cheer　them　with　the　lights　of　culture？　　Or　may　I　remind　you　　that　we　have　some　reason　to　doubt　if　John　the　Baptist　were　　genteel；　and　in　the　case　of　Peter；　on　whose　career　you　　doubtless　dwell　approvingly　in　the　pulpit；　no　doubt　at　all　he　　was　a　'coarse；　headstrong'　fisherman！　　Yet　even　in　our　　Protestant　Bibles　Peter　is　called　Saint。

Damien　was　DIRTY。

He　was。　　Think　of　the　poor　lepers　annoyed　with　this　dirty　　comrade！　　But　the　clean　Dr。　Hyde　was　at　his　food　in　a　fine　　house。

Damien　was　HEADSTRONG。

I　believe　you　are　right　again；　and　I　thank　God　for