the call of the canyon-第31部分

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es　of　the　dinner　he　asked　Carley　to　dance；　and　she　complied。　The　music　would　have　stimulated　an　Egyptian　mummy；　Carley　thought；　and　the　subdued　rose　lights；　the　murmur　of　gay　voices；　the　glide　and　grace　and　distortion　of　the　dancers；　were　exciting　and　pleasurable。　Morrison　had　the　suppleness　and　skill　of　a　dancing…master。　But　he　held　Carley　too　tightly；　and　so　she　told　him；　and　added；　〃I　imbibed　some　fresh　pure　air　while　I　was　out　Westsomething　you　haven't　hereand　I　don't　want　it　all　squeezed　out　of　me。〃


The　latter　days　of　July　Carley　made　busyso　busy　that　she　lost　her　tan　and　appetite；　and　something　of　her　splendid　resistance　to　the　dragging　heat　and　late　hours。　Seldom　was　she　without　some　of　her　friends。　She　accepted　almost　any　kind　of　an　invitation；　and　went　even　to　Coney　Island；　to　baseball　games；　to　the　motion　pictures；　which　were　three　forms　of　amusement　not　customary　with　her。　At　Coney　Island；　which　she　visited　with　two　of　her　younger　girl　friends；　she　had　the　best　time　since　her　arrival　home。　What　had　put　her　in　accord　with　ordinary　people？　The　baseball　games；　likewise　pleased　her。　The　running　of　the　players　and　the　screaming　of　the　spectators　amused　and　excited　her。　But　she　hated　the　motion　pictures　with　their　salacious　and　absurd　misrepresentations　of　life；　in　some　cases　capably　acted　by　skillful　actors；　and　in　others　a　silly　series　of　scenes　featuring　some　doll…faced　girl。

But　she　refused　to　go　horseback　riding　in　Central　Park。　She　refused　to　go　to　the　Plaza。　And　these　refusals　she　made　deliberately；　without　asking　herself　why。

On　August　1st　she　accompanied　her　aunt　and　several　friends　to　Lake　Placid；　where　they　established　themselves　at　a　hotel。　How　welcome　to　Carley's　strained　eyes　were　the　green　of　mountains；　the　soft　gleam　of　amber　water！　How　sweet　and　refreshing　a　breath　of　cool　pure　air！　The　change　from　New　York's　glare　and　heat　and　dirt；　and　iron…red　insulating　walls；　and　thronging　millions　of　people；　and　ceaseless　roar　and　rush；　was　tremendously　relieving　to　Carley。　She　had　burned　the　candle　at　both　ends。　But　the　beauty　of　the　hills　and　vales；　the　quiet　of　the　forest；　the　sight　of　the　stars；　made　it　harder　to　forget。　She　had　to　rest。　And　when　she　rested　she　could　not　always　converse；　or　read；　or　write。

For　the　most　part　her　days　held　variety　and　pleasure。　The　place　was　beautiful；　the　weather　pleasant；　the　people　congenial。　She　motored　over　the　forest　roads；　she　canoed　along　the　margin　of　the　lake；　she　played　golf　and　tennis。　She　wore　exquisite　gowns　to　dinner　and　danced　during　the　evenings。　But　she　seldom　walked　anywhere　on　the　trails　and；　never　alone；　and　she　never　climbed　the　mountains　and　never　rode　a　horse。

Morrison　arrived　and　added　his　attentions　to　those　of　other　men。　Carley　neither　accepted　nor　repelled　them。　She　favored　the　association　with　married　couples　and　older　people；　and　rather　shunned　the　pairing　off　peculiar　to　vacationists　at　summer　hotels。　She　had　always　loved　to　play　and　romp　with　children；　but　here　she　found　herself　growing　to　avoid　them；　somehow　hurt　by　sound　of　pattering　feet　and　joyous　laughter。　She　filled　the　days　as　best　she　could；　and　usually　earned　quick　slumber　at　night。　She　staked　all　on　present　occupation　and　the　truth　of　flying　time。


CHAPTER　IX

The　latter　part　of　September　Carley　returned　to　New　York。

Soon　after　her　arrival　she　received　by　letter　a　formal　proposal　of　marriage　from　Elbert　Harrington；　who　had　been　quietly　attentive　to　her　during　her　sojourn　at　Lake　Placid。　He　was　a　lawyer　of　distinction；　somewhat　older　than　most　of　her　friends；　and　a　man　of　means　and　fine　family。　Carley　was　quite　surprised。　Harrington　was　really　one　of　the　few　of　her　acquaintances　whom　she　regarded　as　somewhat　behind　the　times；　and　liked　him　the　better　for　that。　But　she　could　not　marry　him；　and　replied　to　his　letter　in　as　kindly　a　manner　as　possible。　Then　he　called　personally。

〃Carley；　I've　come　to　ask　you　to　reconsider；〃　he　said；　with　a　smile　in　his　gray　eyes。　He　was　not　a　tall　or　handsome　man；　but　he　had　what　women　called　a　nice　strong　face。

〃Elbert；　you　embarrass　me；〃　she　replied；　trying　to　laugh　it　out。　〃Indeed　I　feel　honored；　and　I　thank　you。　But　I　can't　marry　you。〃

〃Why　not？　he　asked；　quietly。

〃Because　I　don't　love　you；〃　she　replied。

〃I　did　not　expect　you　to；〃　he　said。　〃I　hoped　in　time　you　might　come　to　care。　I've　known　you　a　good　many　years；　Carley。　Forgive　me　if　I　tell　you　I　see　you　are　breakingwearing　yourself　down。　Maybe　it　is　not　a　husband　you　need　so　much　now；　but　you　do　need　a　home　and　children。　You　are　wasting　your　life。〃

〃All　you　say　may　be　true；　my　friend；〃　replied　Carley；　with　a　helpless　little　upflinging　of　hands。　〃Yet　it　does　not　alter　my　feelings。〃

〃But　you　will　marry　sooner　or　later？〃　he　queried；　persistently。

This　straightforward　question　struck　Carley　as　singularly　as　if　it　was　one　she　might　never　have　encountered。　It　forced　her　to　think　of　things　she　had　buried。

〃I　don't　believe　I　ever　will；〃　she　answered；　thoughtfully。

〃That　is　nonsense；　Carley；〃　he　went　on。　〃You'll　have　to　marry。　What　else　can　you　do？　With　all　due　respect　to　your　feelingsthat　affair　with　Kilbourne　is　endedand　you're　not　the　wishy…washy　heartbreak　kind　of　a　girl。〃

〃You　can　never　tell　what　a　woman　will　do；〃　she　said；　somewhat　coldly。

〃Certainly　not。　That's　why　I　refuse　to　take　no。　Carley；　be　reasonable。　You　like　merespect　me；　do　you　not？〃

〃Why；　of　course　I　do！〃

〃I'm　only　thirty…five；　and　I　could　give　you　all　any　sensible　woman　wants；〃　he　said。　〃Let's　make　a　real　American　home。　Have　you　thought　at　all　about　that；　Carley？　Something　is　wrong　today。　Men　are　not　marrying。　Wives　are　not　having　children。　Of　all　the　friends　I　have；　not　one　has　a　real　American　home。　Why；　it　is　a　terrible　fact！　But；　Carley；　you　are　not　a　sentimentalist；　or　a　melancholiac。　Nor　are　you　a　waster。　You　have　fine　qualities。　You　need　something　to　do　some　one　to　care　for。〃

〃Pray　do　not　think　me　ungrateful；　Elbert；〃　she　replied；　〃nor　insensible　to　the　truth　of　what　you　say。　But　my　answer　is　no！〃

When　Harrington　had　gone　Carley　went　to　her　room；　and　precisely　as　upon　her　return　from　Arizona　she　faced　her　m　rror　skeptically　and　relentlessly。　〃I　am　such　a　liar　that　I'll　do　well　to　look　at　myself；〃　she　meditated。　〃Here　I　am　again。　Now！　The　world　expects　me　to　marry。　But　what　do　I　expect？〃

There　was　a　raw　unheated　wound　in　Carley's　heart。　Seldom　had　she　permitted　herself　to　think　about　it；　let　alone　to　probe　it　with　hard　materialistic　queries。　But　custom　to　her　was　as　inexorable　as　life。　If　she　chose　to　live　in　the　world　she　must　conform　to　its　customs。　For　a　woman　marriage　was　the　aim　and　the　end　and　the　all　of　existence。　Nevertheless；　for　Carley　it　could　not　be　without　love。　Before　she　had　gone　West　she　might　have　had　many　of　the　conventional　modern　ideas　about　women　and　marriage。　But　because　out　there　in　the　wilds　her　love　and　perception　had　broadened；　now　her　arraignment　of　herself　and　her　sex　was　bigger；　sterner；　more　exacting。　The　months　she　had　been　home　seemed　fuller　than　all　the　months　of　her　life。　She　had　tried　to　forget　and　enjoy；　she　had　not　succeeded；　but　she　had　looked　with　far…seeing　eyes　at　her　world。　Glenn　Kilbourne's　tragic　fate　had　opened　her　eyes。

Either　the　world　was　all　wrong　or　the　people　in　it　were。　But　if　that　were　an　extravagant　and　erroneous　supposition；　there　certainly　was　proof　positive　that　her　own　small　individual　world　was　wrong。　The　women　did　not　do　any　real　work；　they　did　not　bear　children；　they　lived　on　excitement　and　luxury。　They　had　no　ideals。　How　greatly　were　men　to　blame？　Carley　doubted　her　judgment　here。　But　as　men　could　not　live　without　the　smiles　and　comradeship　and　love　of　women；　it　was　only　natural　that　they　should　give　the　women　what　they　wanted。　Indeed；　they　had　no　choice。　It　was　give　or　go　without。　How　much　of　real　love　entered　into　the　marriages　among　her　acquaintances？　Before　marriage　Carley　wanted　a　girl　to　be　sweet；　proud；　aloof；　with　a　heart　of　golden　fire。　Not　attainable　except　through　love！　It　would　be　better　that　no　children　be　born　at　all　unless　born　of　such　beautiful　love。　Perhaps　that　was　why　so　few　children　were　born。　Nature's　balance　and　revenge！　In　Arizona　Carley　had　learned　something　of　the　ruthlessness　and　inevitableness　of　nature。　She　was　finding　out　she　had　learned　this　with　many　other　staggering　facts。

〃I　love　Glenn　still；〃　she　whispered；　passionately；　with　trembling　lips；　as　she　faced　the　tragic…eyed　image　of　herself　in　the　mirror。　〃I　love　him　more…　…more。　Oh；　my　God！　If　I　were　honest　I'd　cry　out　the　truth！　It　is　terrible。　　。　。　I　will　always　love　him。　How　then　could　I　marry　any　other　man？　I　would　be　a　lie；　a　cheat。　If　I　could　only　forget　himonly　kill　that　love。　Then　I　might　love　another　manand　if　I　did　love　himno　matter　what　I　had　felt　or　done　before；　I　would　be　worthy。　I　could　feel　worthy。　I　could　give　him　just　as　much。　But　without　such　love　I'd　give　only　a　huska　body　without　soul。〃

Love；　then；　was　the　sacred　and　holy　flame　of　life　that　sanctioned　the　begetting　of　children。　Marriage　might　be　a　necessity　of　modern　time；　but　it　was　not　the　vital　issue。　Carley's　anguish　revealed　strange　and　hidden　truths。　In　some　inexplicable　way　Nature　struck　a　terrible　balancerevenged　herself　upon　a　people　who　had　no　chi